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Hello Teenage America. My name is Suzie Creamcheese. I'm Suzie Creamcheese because I've never worn fake eyelashes in my whole life and I never made it on the surfing set and I never made it in the beatnik seat and I couldn't cut the groupie set either and um actually I really fucked up in Europe. Now that I've done it all over and nobody else will accept me I've come home to my Mothers, remember how when we were younger the whole world seemed wonderful so full of goodness? We awoke to happy people on "Sesame Street" where nothing ever went wrong. But as we grew older our eyes were opened to the evils of our world. Words such as "racism" "prejudice" and something followed by "phobia" were words that we now understood as the eternally perky newscaster repeated them over and over, you might walk into a hospital get tired lay down somewhere to take a nap and wake up with a baboon-liver. You might sneeze and it might happen to sound exactly like the mating call of the giraffe and there might be a giraffe in the area. You might go to the park to feed breadcrumbs to the pigeons but then when you run out of breadcrumbs the pigeons might start a riot pecking out the eyes of innocent park-goers;