The Anti-poems by Raymond Federman
A to Z Poem A to Z Poem | Numbers | The Potato that Became a Tomato
Radio Talk | Anatomy of the Poet's Skull | Acrobatics
A to Z POEM A to Z POEM Ah aie -- aloah! Bobby bi. Beau: boo! Baa -- Be: buy, beau, boo Cocky kike owe coup Cock: eek! Eye Coke: ooh Dah: Dee -- Dido do eh! Eve ear elu: Elie Fa: Fee fi fo foo Goggy-guy go goo Hmmm! Hop-la I iye yid id idea! iiiiiiiiii! Jaw: Cheech, I ... Joe -- Jew? Kaka kuku kalo -- knop Lolly-lye -- Low Lou Law! Lee, lie low: loo Mommy! My moe moo! Mommy -- Mime? Oh, mu Nah -- Knee nigh, no new oh! ---------O---------- oh! Poppy-pie: po-poo -- papo Pa? Pee? Piep? Oh, Poo! Queue barbeauque quuquy Ra, rear-eye. Row, rue Saw: cease I -- sew (Sioux) Saucy sigh -- so sue! Saws ease, I sew sou Tati! Tie toe to ... Ugh! Uni uno una un Voila! Voix l=E0: void vidi Wha --? We? Why? Woe! Woo Xuck -- seeks eye -- XO XU You yid yup yup yoo Zazie's eyes: Ozu Zazeez, I zo! (Zoo)!
NUMBERS it is very important to remember  as Jasper Johns so well demonstrated with his numbers  that numbers can only refer to themselves  numbers alone have no story  no story to tell  only when they are added subtracted multiplied divided do numbers tell a story  then they have a plot  they mean something  they mean having more or less of whatever one has  more or less of whatever the numbers now refer to  but numbers standing alone refer only to themselves  that is why the number 9 is so perfect  it cancels all the other numbers when they are added subtracted multiplied divided one with the other and the result is 9  0 is okay too  but his particular visual quality makes certain people confuse it with the letter 0 or with the symbol of a hole  this is not so with the other numbers  their visual quality brings nothing to the mind  concretely or abstractly  numbers standing alone cannot become symbols  they cannot mean  they are nothing  they mean nothing  they are nothing but scratches on the paper  but numbers when added subtracted multiplied divided become dangerous because they mark the difference between those who have much & those who have little  between wealth and poverty  between all or nothing 
THE POTATO THAT BECAME A TOMATO Oh! the potato the po ta to the po to ta the pa to to the to pa to the ta to pa the po to ma the pa mo to the po ma to the ta po mo the po mo to the po to po the pa to ta the ma to po the ma pa to the to mo pa the mo ta to the to to ma the ma to to the to ta mo the to ma ta the to ma to Ah! the tomato
RADIO TALK [a true poem] An interviewer on a radio talk show asks an artist to tell him if the numbers of hours he spends painting in a year corresponds to the amount of money he makes in that year The artist mumbles something about how art and money are not compatible and leaves it at that I wanted to butt in and tell that asshole interviewer that he was confusing A job with Work A job is where one goes to make money Work (especially Work well done) is what gives pleasure and nothing else A job is boring A job is tedious A job is embarrasing A job is exploitative A job is humiliating A job is idiotic A job is a waste of time But Work well done always gives pleasure and satisfaction A job is what you do five days a week for a determined amount of time usually prescribed by your boss and your needs A job is limiting Work takes place all the time even when you sleep Work is indefinite
ANATOMY OF THE POET'S SKULL Unenhanced and enhanced CT scans of the skull obtained: ventricles and sucli age appropriate no midline shift no focal gray or white matter abnormality nor bleed noted 2x1 cm. slightly enhancing soft tissue plaque abutting the internal auditory canal on the right laterally and slightly indenting upon the right cerebellar peduncle. Enhanced axial and coral CT scans of the orbits obtained: Globes optic nerves optic chiasm and extra ocular muscles symmetrically normal no abnormal intrachonal or extrachonal inflammatory or neoplastic changes bony orbits intact but pronounced leftward nasoseptal deviation concha bullosa of the right middle turbinate and low grade inflammatory mucoperiosteal thickening of the right maxillary antrum. Minimally enhancing and en plaque soft tissue mass in right cerebellar pontine angle with differential diagnosis of meningioma acoustic neuroma and epidermoid. Detailed evaluation of posterior fossa with gadolinium is suggested. Otherwise all is well with the poet's skull.
ACRO BATICS Y O U give a work out to your essential muscle and all your other muscles essentially also get a work out ***** *** * therefore exercise your essential muscle as often as possible so that IT stays I N g o o d shape to make all your other muscles also profit