The Anti-poems by Raymond Federman

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A to Z Poem A to Z Poem | Numbers | The Potato that Became a Tomato

Radio Talk | Anatomy of the Poet's Skull | Acrobatics

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A to Z POEM A to Z POEM

Ah aie -- aloah!
Bobby bi. Beau: boo!
Baa -- Be: buy, beau, boo
Cocky kike owe coup
Cock: eek!  Eye Coke: ooh
Dah: Dee -- Dido do
eh! Eve ear elu:  Elie
Fa: Fee fi fo foo
Goggy-guy go goo
Hmmm!  Hop-la
I iye yid id idea! iiiiiiiiii!
Jaw: Cheech, I ... Joe -- Jew?
Kaka kuku kalo -- knop
Lolly-lye -- Low Lou
Law!  Lee, lie low: loo
Mommy!  My moe moo!
Mommy -- Mime?  Oh, mu
Nah -- Knee nigh, no new
oh! ---------O---------- oh!
Poppy-pie: po-poo -- papo
Pa?  Pee?  Piep?  Oh, Poo!
Queue barbeauque quuquy
Ra, rear-eye.  Row, rue
Saw: cease I -- sew (Sioux)
Saucy sigh -- so sue!
Saws ease, I sew sou
Tati!  Tie toe to ...
Ugh!  Uni uno una un
Voila!  Voix l=E0: void vidi
Wha --?  We?  Why? Woe! Woo
Xuck -- seeks eye -- XO XU
You yid yup yup yoo
Zazie's eyes: Ozu
Zazeez, I zo!  (Zoo)!



NUMBERS


it is very important to remember [1]
as Jasper Johns so well demonstrated with his numbers [2]
that numbers can only refer to themselves [3]
numbers alone have no story [4]
no story to  tell [5]
only when they are added subtracted
multiplied divided do numbers tell a story [6]
then they have a plot [7]
they mean something [8]
they mean having more or less of whatever one has [9]
more or less of whatever the numbers now refer to [8] 
but numbers standing alone refer only to themselves [7]
that is why the number 9 is so perfect [6]
it cancels all the other numbers when they are added
subtracted multiplied  divided one with the other and  the result is 9 [5]

0 is okay too [4]
but his particular visual quality makes certain people confuse it
with the letter 0 or with the symbol of a hole [3]
this is not so with  the other numbers [2]
their visual quality brings nothing to the mind [1] 
concretely or abstractly [2]
numbers standing alone cannot become symbols [3]
they cannot mean [4]
they are nothing [5]
they mean nothing [6] 
they are nothing but scratches on the paper [7]
but numbers when added subtracted multiplied
divided become dangerous because they mark
the difference between those who have much
& those who have little [8]
between wealth and poverty [9]
between all or nothing [0]



THE POTATO THAT BECAME A TOMATO

 Oh!  the potato
the po ta to
the po to ta
the pa to to
the to pa to
the ta to pa
the po to ma
the pa mo to
the po ma to
the ta po mo
the po mo to
the po to po
the pa to ta
the ma to po
the ma pa to
the to mo pa
the mo ta to
the to to ma
the ma to to
the to ta mo			
the to ma ta
the to ma to
Ah!  the tomato



RADIO TALK   [a true poem]

An interviewer
on a radio talk show
asks an artist
to tell him if
the numbers of hours
he spends painting
in a year corresponds
to the amount of money
he makes in that year

The artist mumbles
something about how
art and money
are not compatible
and leaves it at that

I wanted to butt in
and tell that asshole
interviewer that
he was confusing
A job with Work

A job is where one
goes to make money
Work (especially
Work well done) is
what gives pleasure
and nothing else

A job is boring
A job is tedious
A job is embarrasing
A job is exploitative
A job is humiliating
A job is idiotic
A job is a waste of time

But Work well done
always gives pleasure
and satisfaction

A job is what you do
five days a week
for a determined
amount of time
usually prescribed
by your boss
and your needs
A job is limiting

Work takes place
all the time
even when you sleep
Work is indefinite



ANATOMY OF THE POET'S SKULL

Unenhanced and enhanced CT scans of the skull obtained:
ventricles and sucli age appropriate
no midline shift no focal gray or white matter abnormality
nor bleed noted 2x1 cm. slightly enhancing soft
tissue plaque abutting the internal auditory canal
on the right laterally and slightly indenting
upon the right cerebellar peduncle.

Enhanced axial and coral CT scans of the orbits obtained:
Globes optic nerves optic chiasm and extra ocular muscles
symmetrically normal no abnormal intrachonal
or extrachonal inflammatory or neoplastic changes
bony orbits intact but pronounced leftward nasoseptal deviation
concha bullosa of the right middle turbinate
and low grade inflammatory mucoperiosteal
thickening of the right maxillary antrum.

Minimally enhancing and en plaque soft tissue mass
in right cerebellar pontine angle with differential
diagnosis of meningioma acoustic neuroma and epidermoid.
 
Detailed evaluation of posterior fossa with gadolinium is suggested.

Otherwise all is well with the poet's skull.



ACRO
BATICS
Y
O   U
 give a work out
to your essential muscle
and all your other muscles
essentially
 also get a work out
*****
***
*
therefore
exercise your
essential muscle
as often as possible
so that
IT
 stays
 I N
 g
 o
 o
 d
shape
 to make
all your other
 muscles  also   profit