by Raymond Federman

You see, my friend, the reason I object to PBS is because, as I was saying the other night to a gathering of friends who always say, We Love PBS, We only watch PBS when we watch Television, or else CNN for the news, and I got annoyed, irritated even, to hear that again from them every time we talk about Teevee, and I say to them, Oh by the way did you guys watch on FOX the other night that fantastic porno sci-fi flick about these phallic creatures from out of space who invade earth and fuck everything, humans, animals, male and female, even objects, they come from a planet recently discovered in the milky way by the famous Nobel Prize Winner astronomer from Yale, Horny Hardon, which he named, Planet Sperm X9, well, as I was saying, I get so damn pissed when my intellectual friends, all of whom I dearly love and normally respect, always say to me, when I mention a Teevee show I really loved, We only watch PBS, it really bugs me, and the reason I object to PBS is because it's hypocritical, it pretends not to advertise commercially, except companies and individuals that are so goodie goodie generous, and makes-believe that the people who watch PBS drive only deluxe foreign cars, never drink, never wear underwear, never have to use deodorant or toilets, never need to take a shower or a bath, never use a condom, never fuck, and have a huge life insurance, stocks & bonds, children in private schools, never go see X-rated movies, live in a well-decorated, well-protected house in the good part of town, not far from the airport and the car wash....

Pub. March 2000