Those who cannot write poetry...force it upon anyone stupid enough to say "Oh? you're a poet?" Those who can write poetry...know better than to bother writing poetry. HOLY SHIT! It was bad poetry. REALLY BAD POETRY! I'd found fucking GOLD MINE! I was not prepared for the cardboard-like texture of the turkey, the rubbery taste of the bread crumbs, and the downright confusing chemical taste of the vegetables. But I was not prepared for the cardboard-like texture of the crust, the rubbery taste of the cheese, and the downright confusing chemical taste of the sauce. Neither. ALL this stuff tastes like shit. What was that? You still ain't sick of detournement? _________________________________________________________________ THIS little thing in my left hand? Why, hell, I've put Two of 'em inside a boy HALF your size. Don't be such a fucking PUSSY. _________________________________________________________________ [INLINE] Honey? Do you smell something? I think it's my cunt. _________________________________________________________________ [INLINE] Twenty bucks a finger? Up THIS guys asshole? You're on, Nurse Jensen! Get ready to fork over two hundred bills. _________________________________________________________________ * One pair ridiculous gorilla slippers; 3 pairs of cheap shit sunglasses * 1 - 6" Gumby; 1 comb, white; 1 - 1.5 oz. jar Knott's Pure Honey * 2 - 1 oz. bottles of Trump Taj Mahal Casino conditioner * 1 - 30ml bottle Paco Rabanne cologne * 1 clip-on bowtie (green with black pattern) * 4 - 1/8oz. bottles McIlhenny Tabasco Sauce * 1 Charlie Brown Pezx dispenser; 1 miniature toy accordion * 1 package Pally brand Coconut Cookies (cholesterol free) * 1 - 1 oz. white clown makeup; 13 cheap shit CRANK stickers * 5 VERY old issues of the Bottom Line; 1 - 4" bust of a Pope John * 1 burgundy sweater-vest, used; 1 Love & A .45 promotional condom Playboy, March 1987; Penthouse, September 1986; New Look, September 1986; 4 VHS tapes filled with softcore porn * Sweet, Sweet Loretta 7" - The DeFranco Family, featuring Tony DeFranco * Everything Your Heart Desires 7" - Hall & Oates * James Bond Moonraker 7" * Theme from Beverly Hillbillies 7" * Spectres LP - Blue Oyster Cult * Sing Along with Connie Frances, presented by Brylcreemr * Inside Information - Foreigner * Street Lines EP - Oriental Spas * The Astounding Bernard Peiffer LP * ONE NATION, underground CD comp. * Mono - Fury in the Slaughterhouse * 1 full-page printed photo of young Michael Jackson, found on the "When you're out of ___________, you're out of beer." "The Thirst Slaker! __________" "Next time you feel like a couple of beers, have a _____________." "A secretary writes: Getting dates used to be a problem till I switched to ___________. It succeeded where sexy perfumes failed. A completely unique experience!" You know, I'm not attracted to guys or anything, but let me tell you, Ray was packing at least nine beautiful inches of solid, throbbing manhood, and I couldn't wait to see him put it in my beautiful lady! You'll never get another dime from me, you leech motherfuckers. ASS-CURVE DILDI PURPLE-STANCHION BALLIONS DILDISMIC RICHARD BLOATED-FACTOTUM DILORGASM SALTY-PUSS BUSH-BONE FANNY-HOLE SCREAMCREAM BUTT-MUSCLE FERTILE-DISTILLATE SCUMSQUIBS CANDYGRAM-OF-COME FLOWERBOX SEX-GOATEE CLIT-FOLDS HOME-GROWN-PROTEIN SISALY CLIT-HEART JEROBOAMS-OF-TITFLESH SLYPELIPS CLIT-LUMP JILL-AT-MYSELF SMUT-SCHNAPPS CLIT-PEARL JUICE-BOX SUCK-TIPS CLIT-SHAFT KOOSH-BALL TITBAGS COCKMEAT LOVE-AREAS TWAT-CLEAVAGE COCKTAIL-ONIONS LUSH-BLACK-FUR VAFRO COME-KICK MASTUR-STROKES VAGI-FRO COME-TANGENTS MEGA-THIGHS VADGE CUNT-SITE MIRIANAS-TRENCH VULVAL DICK-KNOB MOIST-TROIKA WHALE-ON-MY-BONE DICKMEAT MOUND-BONE YOKEL DICK-BUNDLE NUG Chump Change Add up the values of each coin and get some good advice! _________________________________________________________________ Finished? Put down those pencils. Time to check your answers! Boxed Out _________________________________________________________________ Even the smallest portion of Our Savior Jesus Christ is Sacred, right? Then prove it, Church Boy. Each of the five boxes on the right was taken from the picture below. Can you find the exact box (number and letter) from which each portion was taken? Then, can you figure out the holy message hidden in the answers? _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ I want the blessed answers _________________________________________________________________ The Ear (D-5) represents "Can you hear me, you fucking idiots? Hello??" The Throat (C-7) represents "Gulp. I can't believe I fell for that Jesus crap for 30 years of my life." The Nose (B-5) represents " What smells? Oh, it's the bullshit I stand in every time I go to church." The Eye (C-4) represents "I see you, sinners! And it sure looks like you're having a lot more fun than I am. Jeesh, you guys even get to jerk off without guilt! Wow!" The Plain Forehead (C-3) represents the blank space that exists inside all devout Christians' heads. _________________________________________________________________ Intermission _________________________________________________________________ But Keanu Reeves is an odd duck: while it seems that everyone with a brain hates him and his substandard performances, his fucking films make scads of cash. How does he get cast in roles that could've been executed by actors with far more talent and equal box-office draw? Lez-mania... It's More Addictive Than Beatle-mania !!!
Pub. May 1998 DRC