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by Mark Peters
Robots -- they can do their own condiments. * I do not prefer hamburgers or robots. * hamburgers. there is no question that I am dominant over the hamburger. whereas robots might get out of line, and besides, the ones with eyes tend to stare. *
> If you have the time, please answer the following question, with as
little always have time for you, mark. > Which do you prefer: hamburgers or robots? robots > Why? they have a cooler sounding name.
they aren't made of cow,
i'd much rather be a robot than a hamburger.
i'd have a beer with a robot. * Well, hamburgers can be delicious and if you were hungry then that would be a good thing to have. I like them medium rare with grilled onions and a slice of tomato or a slice of tomato and a slice of raw onion. But if you weren't hungry then what good would the hamburger do? Also, I'm finding it hard these days to justify eating other animals. Now robots are wonderful things, especially if they could be anatomically correct so you could have sex with them whenever you wanted. But other than that, what are you going to do with a robot? I mean, I guess it could work for you or cook hamburgers for you. If it was an evil robot, you could battle with it while it destroyed stuff and that would be cool. But you might be crushed to death in its powerful grasp or disintegrated by a death ray. Not so cool. I can't decide. * Sung to the tune of 'London Bridge'
Burgers are my friend you know, friend you know, friend you know
Robots taste like yucky oil, yucky oil, yucky oil
But burgers do no work for me, work for me, work for me
Robots wash my car for me, car for me, car for me Burgers are my friend you know... * robots. definitely... i've never gotten sick from eating one (yet). * Hamburgers because robots are clearly inedible. Robots also have the habit of not wanting to be eaten... * I have a passion for hamburgers [especially with french fries] -- I cannot tell about robot I never ate one * I prefer robots. they are not dead per say. they harm little. hamburgers represent death and hormone infused evil. * This is a deep question that I have been working on for years. However it is very difficult for me to decide as yet whether hamburgers or robots have more meaning for me. I deeply enjoy frying robots. I glory in talking to hamburger. * Hamburgers. They're more filling. * Well, I don't know how to answer this! Probably robots because you can have all kinds of kinky, metallic sex with them. Have you ever seen a robot in a thong? Don't even go there. Also I can replace my fiance with a robot, because I know the dishes would get done, and I wouldn't get yelled at for making a mess! * I prefer robots over hamburgers any day. I have not eaten red meat in 8 years. Robots that can do things for you would definately beat out hamburgers I think for most people. I would love to own a robot. HMMM! * I love hamburgers. You can say that I am the Whimpy of Buffalo when its comes to hamburgers. I love b-que, Buffalo, and Chezzburgers. I love them with onions, bacon, mustard, blue cheeze sauce. Now can you cover a robot with all those things and still enjoy it??? Well maybe you can, but I still love hamburgers * I have to say I prefer hamburgers. They make me happy. * Isn't it *obvious*? Robots are bullshit, fantasy-world kitsch that, as made manifest in the real world, have *not* lived up to their ca. 1950s-60s speculated potential, but have instead sunk down to their proper place in life as ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS. Not that there's anything wrong with being an assembly line worker. But that robots, as they were described to me as a child, as they were portrayed on such fanciful television dramas as Lost in Space and in the movies (C3P0 and R2D2 from Star Wars perhaps being the most colorful examples), HAVE BEEN A DEPRESSING LET DOWN. Hamburgers, however, depending on who makes them, are juicy, flavorful and full of protein. I think the mad cow thing is probably just SOME DISGRUNTLED ROBOT BULLSHIT, if you ask me. * I would take a hamburger any day of the week. First of all, you can finish it. You're gonna be stuck with the robot for a long time. Naturally the robot will break down and you'll have to read the manual and when that doesn't work, you'll call the 800 number and be put on hold while they tell you of all the robot updates, and you'll toy with the idea of hanging up before you ever get to talk to anyone and then even if you get someone, you'll feel like an idiot trying to explain to him or her, wherever they are in the world, what has gone wrong with the robot, and then, you have to try to fix it and then call back the 800 number and not get the same person. No manuals just onions please. * Hamburgers, because they're a meatier subject. * why k prefers robots to hamburgers:
it's hard to talk to a hamburger * Robots, of course, I don't eat beef and robots can do all the things that people don't have time to do. I wish I had a little Japanese robot that followed me around and translated things for me, that way I would never order the wrong foods again. No more soba when I wanted udon. He would also help me kill the giant cockroaches that invade my apartment. He could kill them in one mighty step, no more pounding the thing twenty times with a mop. Yes, I would much rather have a robot, because the burger would just sit in my tummy doing me no good at all. *
My preference of robots over
also the mention of robots * neither. i'm currently a vegetarian and definitely against the impersonalization of "humanoid" technology. I like choices where i HAVE a choice. . . * Hamburgers. Off the top of my head, this comes first. Hamburgers are warm, satisfying, and are often of indicative of other exciting ventures, i.e., picnics, holidays, warm weather, trips to McDonalds, good time spent with family and friends. They're not particularly good for you and that makes them all the more enticing. They won't kill you overnight, but you can satiate a small devilish inkling by doing something 'bad' like eating a hamburger without doing a whole hell of a lot of damage. If you're careful, you can make a hamburger into a complete meal, too, including all four food groups, or all elements of the food pyramid. They have personality. They are individual. They are functional. They are art. They are an extension of the person to whom they belong. Their master. Their eater. And they'll usually incur a good solid DF reading. ANYONE can appreciate that. * Hamburgers - less expensive, less maintenance, more surety and satisfaction. * I prefer robots to hamburgers because of the following reasons: 1) metal sounds better than meat when you bang it. 2) robots can sweep your floor better than hamburgers can. 3) no risk of bovine disease. 4) when naming a robot, you don't have to feel guilty like you would if you named a hamburger because the hamburger is most likely the meat of a cow that had a name already. * Gee, Mark, what a difficult but resonant question! Alas, I cannot answer it due to insufficient data: you didn't say what sex the robots were. (Took me three days of constant thought to come up with that.)
* Hamburgers, ham buggers, ham boogers of course. I like ground up animals over metallic emotionless sets of wires. A ground animal offers nutrients to sustain life. I never met a hamburger I didn't like. Actually, I have never met a Robot--does it come with pickles? * Robots, but only if they have cheese on them. * Hamburgers. I would prefer hamburgers because at least I know that there isn't a chance of them becoming programmed to take over our society and force us into slavery to repair their rusty bodies. At least not anytime soon. * Hamburgers. McDonald's would go broke selling robots. * Robots, because they don't turn their watches around. * Robots....definitely robots....there's simply more fiber in them than a hamburger, and my fast paced go-get-em lifestyle just cannot be held up by constipating patties! I know you know what I mean. * I like robots over hamburgers in the same way I like Al Gore over George Jr. (Al being a robot, George being a hamburger), but I do see robots as the lesser of 2 evils. In a true democracy, however, one would have the option of choosing vegan burgers or ceasar salad... or toast!!! * I prefer hamburgers. Hamburgers (being food) is vital to human survival. Protein is necessary and hamburgers I find to be a rather enjoyable way of obtaining this vital substance. * Well, I prefer the hamburger because you can eat it. And I really like eating stuff if you know what I mean. Well that's my reason and I think that's yours too. * I have two answers to this questions. 1. I would prefer to eat a hamburger instead of a robot, because hamburgers are very tasty. I don't think that robots would ever make a good snack, no matter how much catsup you put on them. 2. However, I would prefer to have a robot over a hamburger if I needed something to help me with my homework. I think that some robots can be programmed to be very smart. I've never come across a smart hamburger. * If I were to choose between a hamburger and a robot I would choose the robot, because the robot would last longer than the hamburger. Also the robot would be of more value. * I like hamburgers more than robots because meat and cheese tastes better than wires and metal. There is a downside to hamburgers because you get real fat if you eat too much of them. Robots are good because they do work for you, but they can also make you lazy, and as a result, fat. * If I had a choice between hamburgers and robots, I would choose the robots over the hamburgers. I would choose the robots for one simple reason: the robot could do more than a slab of meat. If you want a hamburger, have the robot make it. * I prefer robots to hamburgers, because with robots, you can have them make as many hamburgers as you want to eat. You can also program robots to do anything you want them to do, like clean the house or wash your car. You can't make a hamburger wash your car or clean the house. Robots can be smart and talk. You can't have a talking hamburger unless you have taken a lot of drugs. * There is no comparison between the two really. I mean, can you eat a robot? That answers the question right there, one is food and the other isn't so do I really need to explain anymore. Some may claim that if you had a robot, he could prepare food for you, but that is analyzing the question in way too deep of a manner. Just look at it on the surface. I never looked forward to a serving of a robot at the legendary Dewey Dining Center, so that's it. That simple, hamburger wins this debate hands down. * Do I really care to answer this question? What kind of robot are you even talking about? I suppose I prefer hamburgers then. At least I understand what you mean when you say "hamburger." Mark, I know you like the word "robot", but does that mean you need to make us write about them in class. Robot, robot, robot, robot. There you go! Is that enough of the word for you. My answer to this question: hamburgers. * Robots are better because you could make a robot that is capable of cooking you some hamburgers. If you had one of these you would never be hungry again. This robot could do so many things. Plus, robots could cook you food that is better for you than hamburgers. They could prepare you some bean and cheese burritos. They could even drive your car to mighty taco and pick you up some tacos!!! Go robots! * You scare me Mark... I'm not picky. I'm kinda hungry right now, so a hamburger would be good. Robots take up too much space. My dorm room's small, and filled with my stupid roommate's hippie shit, so it probably wouldn't be a good idea. * I prefer hamburgers, especially when I am hungry. They can be eaten plain or with cheese, and they taste good either way. I think that robots are stupid. They can break easily and if they are programmed wrong, it's all downhill. * I would have to say that I prefer hamburgers over robots because at this very moment I am starving. I need something to eat so the thought of a hamburger is more appealing than a piece of metal. I can't say that I have anything against robots though. Just right at this moment I would love something to eat. Robots don't even look appealing. When you think of one, what comes to mind? Nothing but some thing that moves at a slow measured rhythm, that would never be a good dancer, and has no emotion whatsoever, and is definitely not edible, oh and to top it off, they aren't very appealing in the wardrobe category either. I mean there is nothing worse than the sight, or smell depending on your past experience with a robot. On the other hand, a hamburger would not be a very good dancer, but at least it would smell good, look good and definitely would be edible. * I prefer hamburgers, because robots leave a metallic taste in my mouth. However, did you know that if a woman consumes an excessive amount of protein, her vagina will have a metallic taste? So moderation in all things, whether hamburgers or robots, is the key in avoiding metalmouth. * What a F@#%$ed up question! I guess hamburgers, because when I bite into them, (if they're cooked right) I won't chip my teeth. Later! * Robots, because they don't make a big bloody mess unless I really want them to. * I prefer hamburgers because I am reminded of summer, plus I like the taste of ketchup on my hamburger. I don't like robots. No comment why. * I prefer hamburgers because I am partial to them ever since I saw one in a movie once play guitar like Eddie Van Halen. This was truly a spectacular event in cinematography, much more eloquent than those dancing raisins ever were. However, I am rather fond of robots as well. Especially the type that Zappa was always talking about, but that I believe was called a fembot. Anyway, I could eat the hamburger if it refused to play guitar like Eddie Van Halen. I am not sure what type of punishment I could deliver to a robot. * Mark-I'm sorry. I am too caught up thinking "what's he working on?", in what way should I answer?". To be frank, I am thinking of an answer for each possibility. I can imagine for you writing this-Nevertheless-hamburgers because they can be a part of me; robots because they can mirror me. You know, I was thinking a lot about camp today-by chance. Do you sometimes make Mick noises out of the blue? Good luck with your research- * i prefer robots because hamburgers are sick and now technology is such that robots can be cuddly like that cute electronic dog. hamburgers aren't cute and aren't even made from anything that's cute. have you ever seen a cow lift up her tail and poo? that's about what you're eating when you have a hamburger. * I may have answered this already. If so, this can be a test of my consistency. I prefer robots because they have less saturated fat and cholesterol. *
hamburgers are good * Robots, they are vegitarians! * Burgers, Medium rare with cheese, very crispy fries side of ketchup, side of mayo. * In regards to you survey. Our staff of lobotomized simian halfbreeds have put forth the following conclusions: Due to the rise and increasing popularity of such "pop" diseases such as mad cow, mad tofu and mad man disease, foodstuffs such as hamburgers will have to be synthesized in order to meet the demand. Once this artificial food industry begins its reign of terror, humanity will be forced to catch up. We will need to automate our weak digestive systems in order to accommodate the increased density of plastic foods. Once the cloning and bio synthetic industries catch up to the synth-food industry, cyborgasm will be all the rage. As a result of this shift in the fundamental fabric of our very essences, humanity will be forced to accept some very painful "truths." We are not as human as our excretions. Hence the need to implant human consciousness into human excrement. Naturally, these "brains" will require artificial memories in order to feel as if they are a part of the human hive. Sadly, the offending odor will exclude them from all of the popular clubs. On the up side, all of humanity can unite in harmony as we forget our differences and mock the "poop for bodies." The moral of the story is quite simple. In fact, it's so simple that I will not insult you by stating the obvious. Instead, I will insult you with the less than obvious. And, if I were a cannibal, I would in salt you with the sodium chloride. But that is an argument for another day and another dinner. From the bottom of Mt. Olympus, I remain your faithful Teufelsdreck * To answer your question..... hamburgers. Definitely hamburgers. * hamburgers...because they're juicy! * hamburgers, they smell better. * I don't believe I know who you are, but this sounded interesting. I'm going with robots, 'cause robot grease won't kill you. * Funny you should ask such a daring yet rediculous question. Of course my answer as a nature insensed Santa Fe vegitarian that it would have to be robots to eat and hamburgers to fuck. Robots provide all of those metalic trace minerals you just can't get by eating your average toaster. Also robots are a lot more personable than hambergers for eating. For fucking however, robots fall a little short especially those slivers which can take days to remove and it's more than a little embarassing to explain to your dick doctor about where such slivers cam from. Hamburgers on the other hand make for beautiful fucking provided that your omit the katsup and mustard (that acid can be worse than the slivers!) Nothing comes closer to surpassing female genitalia than your average hamburger. Warm, jucy, how can you go wrong? I don't think I could eat one though, I'm not into oral sex with hamburgers. On another note, I guess this note is a pretty good indication about where my minds been latley. Eating, fucking, shitting, all of the basics. I'll try and give you a call when I can lay my hands on a calling card. * I prefer hamburgers because you don't get to kill anything to make a robot
Pub. May 2001 |