How many kinds of intelligence are there?
76
What is the meaning of life?
Hitting
What do lobsters want?
Mustard
Why?
They eat hot dogs
Why don't animals use language?
They fart
Why do animals fart?
Because they poop in the woods
Is language an instinct?
No
Is the Pope Catholic?
No
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Noisy
What is math for?
Writing 25 + 10 = 75
Who will be the first woman President?
Jane Pauley
Who is Theresa?
Fonzie
What is true beauty?
Number 76
Where can I find inner peace and serenity?
In 1997
How long is eternity?
25 years
Who is your hero?
Wonder Woman
What does Wonder Woman do?
Go up
What does "go up" mean?
Up up and up
What did Aristotle do?
He went up
What did Mr. Spock do?
Run away and hit himself in the head
What did Beethoven do?
Spilled some mud on the dog's blanket
What did Abraham Lincoln do?
Oopshlopped
What did Richard Nixon do?
Threw up
What did Emily Dickinson do?
Gargled
What did Bach do?
Ate some soap
What did Susan B. Anthony do?
Made a poop in the potty
What did Eleanor Roosevelt do?
Woke up in the morning
What did Jimi Hendrix do?
Went to sleep at night
What will Judy do in North Carolina?
Go away
What do boys do?
Hit
How do you make root beer?
You make root beer and mouthwash by making mint root beer
How do you make water?
You make water toothpaste coffee and mouthwash and you drink it
How do you make chocolate chips?
You make chocolate chips sugar salt and mint extract and you eat it all
up
How do you fly a plane?
You fly a plane with 15 wings
How do you grow a wing?
You grow a wing with 27 planes
Why are boys annoying?
Boys are not happy
What's the perfect job?
Have breakfast
What do turkeys think about?
Chickens
What do deer think about?
Peeing
What do geese think about?
Nancy Glass
What do rats think about?
Fixing it
Fixing what?
The radiator register
What do fish think about?
Fishing
What do congressmen think about?
Presidents
What do cops think about?
Cutting themselves from the knife
What do aliens think about?
Smiling
What do doctors think about?
Blood
What do children think about?
Throwing up in the bucket
What do chickens eat?
Legs
Whose legs?
Mr. Larrabee's legs
What's your favorite leg?
Left leg
Who invented pine cones?
Scott Brown invented pine cones in 1952
Why do pine cones exist?
They are broken
How did the pine cones get broken?
They won't get fixed
Why not?
Because there are no pine cones here
Where did the pine cones go?
Out
Where do babies come from?
Tacoma
Where do uncles come from?
Seattle
Where do aunts come from?
London
Where do Martians come from?
Barbour / Langley Productions Inc.
What do aliens look like?
Poop
What do angels look like?
Boys
What do boys smell like?
Poop
How much is too much?
97
How little is too little?
19
What do parakeets say?
Cheep cheep
What do teachers say?
No hitting
What's a catastrophe?
24 catastrophes
Pub. Feb. 1999