by Alan Myouka Sondheim

It was absolutely gorgeous today. In fact I've never seen anything like it. I knew for the first time that I was finally over Margaret, that nothing she could do would ever hurt me. I laughed all the way to the bank, and it seemed as if the world laughed with me. You can't be too careful nowadays!

Still, there was this gnawing thought: what if it _wasn't_ Bill at the cafe that day - what if everything we've believed in turned out to be a horrible joke? You could tell he had a heart of gold by his prickly exterior; the kids used to call him "Pops." One day she just about lost it. But my lover was perfect and we'd talk late into the night, take long walks, and cuddle together under the sheets. I never felt so comfortable in my life, in spite of the fact I had a million things to do!

You've got to have a hearty meal to start a happy day! For breakfast, I always make sure to have food from the four basic groups, Nowadays, the kids are hard to get away from the computer. Sex isn't all that it's cooked up to be, but you never know until you try. This weather's making me turn to thoughts of love!

Things were different back when I was a kid. The world was simpler then; you know, the kids nowadays listen to that strange music and they grow up with the computer. You know, they take the computer for granted, not like when we grew up. You couldn't take the kids for granted then!

My dad was born before the invention of the hand-ax! You'd have to pull the trees down with all your might! Mom wore an apron. You should have seen the four of us huddled around a cozy fire. There's nothing like that nowadays, you can be sure. Nowadays, kids get all their firewood from the computer!

Pub. Feb. 1999