I do not know what I have to say

It wasn't my own idea.

What was

Well-- itís hard to get it from inside-- outside.

But?

Yes.

Yes what?

Yes. He thinks-- here I am approaching the end of my long adventures

He rises and circles something

He points at something

The balloon of ideas drops and envelopes his entire body

This is just-- opening a door

and somebody looks at him and smiles, and offers his hand.

Why?

This is a transfer of energy.

I donít have much faith in thatHere-- take my hand.

Donít leave without me

Iím going no place.

(Pause)

Do I have to wait for this to happen to me?

In that case-- it already has happened

Ah-- the question is-- what can I do with it

Yes. What can you do with it

I can be in error. And I will be-- continualy-- like everybody else. But what counts, of course, is a contoinual energy generated by that continual error

(Pause)

I too, have known such emotional powerhouses

Itís easy to re-arrange the configuration of oneís limbs, sitting in this chair

Do I hear you correctly?

Watch something move, even if you donít see my limbs moving

(Pause)

I think you too, understand me without knowing what you understand. That is-- most of the time you donít. But thereís a knife edge that cuts through things-- just a moment-- before everything regroups itself and then it goes dead like always

What was todayís adventure supposed to be?

Oh, who knows. Maybe there was going to be an important phone call-- but itís of no importance.

(Pause)

Can I make you a drink?

Why not

Youíll probably be thinking less clearly if you drink something

That could be a godsend

Youíre a believer?

(Pause)

Then I sould make you a drink

Trying to make a believer out of me?

Itís a gift

Which I will no doubt return by continuing to entertain you

(Pause)

Did you ever notice about yourself-- youíre continually looking for openings in order to ionsert things you want to say into the conversation-- on very elusive subjects that seem to be the subjects you really want to talk about, no matter what else different is really going on

What would you say is really going on?

Oh-- thatís beyond me

Thatís why you offered me a drink

Wait a minute-- didnít you offer ME a drink?

(Pause_

Then Iím doubly confused

Well, we confuse each other

Itís mutual

Yes. Thatís why weíre so good together

I donít think so--

Wait a minute, donít go.

Donít you mean, take me with you?

No. Iím not going anyplace

(Other goes)

Ah. I lied. Here I am

(phone rings)

Thereís that telephone call somebody was expecting

(Rings. stops. Then, picked up)

Hello?

(Puts down). Pause and rings again)

Ah. I get a second chance.Where did I put my glasses

You need them to see things

Yes--

Then hopefully-- theyíll turn up

Well-- I can see, but I can see better if I have them

Thatís hard to prove, but I guess the subjective criteria is the most necessary

(Pause)

Itís been proven to my satisfaction

Then Iíd be very careful about misplacing oneís eyeglasses

Youíre not able to help

Not yet

When

Oh, letís say I come upon them accidentally. Then Iíd be able

Youíd tell me

Of course

But I donít think youíll be doing that kind of exploratory activity

I said by accident

I donít think it matter what you SAY, it matters what you DO>

Wait a minute

(Pats pocket)

Oh no-- these are mine

Really

Yes. I wear them sometimes

I wonder if theyíd work just as good for me

Well-- be my guest

You donít need them

Not right now

What do you use them for, reading?

Yes. When do YOU need them

Reading

Well, have a try

(Purs on)

Now what I need is something to read

Well-- try this

How convenient

It may not be appropriate.

Read the title

--Well--YOU read the title. Thatís the first test.

Oh, I donít think it matters whether the content ofthis book is appropriate or not-- I canít even imagine what would determine appropriateness, since itís a reading test, not a content judgement

It could be in a language that doesnít even use a familar alphabet.

Is it?

No. I donít think so

Iíll take your word for it

(Pause)

So-- how do you find the glasses

Good

Are you going to give up looking for yourown?

I hadnít actively started looking for them yet

So I see

Itís amazing how much we pick up on-- even when the vision apparatus is operating at something less than one hundred per-cent

Then these glasses arenít perfect

Of course not perfect

(Hands them back)

Theyíre not perfect for me either, so if youíd like to hold on to them--

No.

--Just until you come upon your own?

No.

By accident

Well, that wouldnít be an accident

I donít understand

I remember where I put them.

(Pause)

Oh. Then Iíll take mine back.Please donít look at me.

(Why not?)

For a minute I thought the table was going to turn over

By itself?

Ah, thatís another catagory

Tables, vs--

Versus what.?

Not-- ëyou make me think about another catagory without filling in the blankî?

Wait a minute-- that tableI expected to turn over--

Wrong.

--It didnít.

Right

See? I was right after allIs it possible that you are going to approach me-- some time in the future-- with the words ìWhy were you not more emotionaly forthcomingî?

It is not happening that I am here, but I am

You mean your mind is elsewhere-- distracted?

Thatís not a distraction

Where is it?

Here

Then you lied

Isnít it obvious? You have the orientation to be able to say whether or not I lie-- I, on the other hand, have no such orientation

That could cause somebody a lot of unhappiness

Not me--

I could give you a hard time about this

I could plead ignorance

Hey-- get a life.

Thatís easier said than done

OK. Make an effort

I make an effort, but it ends up in directions I didnít have in mind

(Pause)

My mind, it seems, is elsewhere

Youíre repeating yourself

Not on purpose

No-- if you repeat yourself, that reveals a purpose behind the repetition

I donít get it.

Get a life

I try

But your mind is elsewhere

Yes

See? You convinced me.

(Exit)

I think he made a falacious jump in logic. If I say my mind is elsewhere-- no, itís too stupid, but I wonder if heís looking for it, or if in a certain way-- he picks up on hints or intuitions

Of what

Well--

Donít answser. I know

You picked up an intuition

Yes.

But-- right here.

That intuition was available right here

(Other returns)

You could have picked up on it right here in this room. You didnít have to go looking for it

(Sits)

Get a life

I have a life

He has a life.Did you ever identify yourself?

How bizarre

I tried, but of course it had to be more to the point than using a name--

Just for the hell of it.

No--

Throw a name into the arena

This is fuzzy--

Try--

It might begin with a ìBî

I agree

What Fuzzy

I have a name, of course-- but youíre interested in something else

What

Youíre interested in meeting that person, or that kind of a person, for whom or about whom-- the name is just a MIRROR, dazzling but totally second hand.

ìBî. It could be Benjamin

Ah, thatís YOUR choice.

(Pause)

When Benjamin entered my life--

I havenít entered your life

Well, thereís been a collision of sorts

You probably think my name is Benjamin

No?

What does that NO refer to.

It spins, thatís all

I have the feeling thagt all this stuff pours out, and Iím agile enough to respond appropriately-- but a time will come

Yes, it will

When such agility will desert me. I wpnít be able to dance

Probably not

Things-- riches-- will fall at my feet, but I shall be unable to bend over enough to gather my just deserts

Funny you should mention that

What

Desters--

Ah, thatís not a name I think much about

A name?

Deserts

A name

Itís part of a meal. Something sweet, towards the end.

Always?

Not always.

Sad

The not always part-- yet thatís sad.

No. Thatís not whatís sad-- what I call sad is the fact that when a name is supposed to be uncovered, ëdesertí is that name that stands in for something -- not sweet--but oh, very sweet indeed.

One is supposed to discipline oneself, I suppose

Can that be sweet also?

Well, if one doesnít analyse too meticulously

Yes, then it disolves any potential sweeteness.

Or-- sweetness itself.

See? Anything is possible

Any name is possible

Yes, as long as we don

ët commit ourselves

The range is vast-- Benjamin, Bernard, Bedrtram, Bill, Bob, Byron--

Go on.

(:aughs)

The renge isnít as vast as I had supposed

I think what we see is a softening of the brainís resources

Soft-- yes. But sweet

Sweet

Of course, when two people agree, thatís always-- sweetness

(Hand out)

Iím not going to take that hand

Then Iím going tio consider this a kind of adventure

What did you say your name was?

Yours?

Ah, then we neednít mention it

Right. Weíve done a good job of avoiding it

Sweet

Thank you

No-- thank YOU.

(They shake)

I donít kmow why I persist in this particular kind of self-location

Please, lighten your own load and perhaps Iíll benifit perhiperally

Ah, like a game of tennie

I never got a handle on that game

Good

You approve my awkwardness?

I have no way of knowing anything about it

True. Iím not about to acquire the necessary appliances

From my perspective youíre already well equiped

Name the game

Tennis spelled backwards, except substitute a couple of letters also

Then I might as well start from scratch

Of course, a variety of methodologies are always available

(Pause)

Did you name me?

When

Did you name me?

I did not

Who did, then.

(Pause)

Well, if youíre talking about secretly, yes. I named you. But of course, more than once-- so thereís no way to give out with definitive answers--

Youíre trying to encompass many tendencies at once

Thereís only one tendency, as far as Iím converned

If you could name it, it wouldnít be that one tendency

Right

Though I imagine you tried

Right again

Letís open a book at random, and settle on the first word we come to that could be used as a name

That will probably be open to debate

More escuses--

No, letís say you point to the word ìthisîWhat an appropriate choice

Could that name something

This

Right

Of course it could

(Rises)

Letís get a book and find out

Toss it over--

(Stops)

Tennis?

I donít play

I donít toss my books around, either

Well, books are made of words, and I notice a couple of THOSE entities being tossed back and forth

In the first place--

Good.

Wjay

I like beginnings

In the first place, books are made of PAPER--

--and words

I chose my own level of discourse

And in the second place, if you BANG a word over the next, that could be considered tenis-like, whereas ëtossí must refer to some varient activity

Iím glad you clarified that

ìThisî

But how glad am I, really

Itís convenient to share the same brain, isnít it

In that case, thereís no need to share the same book

(sits)

Iím wiped out

Fourty love.

(Other thinks, would answer, is stopped)

--Donít say it.

(Gets book)

THIS!Here is a man whoís eyes fail him

Doubtful

He was hopeful, however, that everything could be resolved in favor of clear sightedness--

Doubtful

I offer no resistance. Thatís how I profit

I donít see much happening in this arena

Look closer, youíll see that we resemble each other

Oh, geeric human beings--

Stop right there. Iíve decided to be re-namable

This name thing features big in your repertory of demands

No no. No demands, didnít you hear me?

I heard about no resistance, I didnít hear about no demands

Thatís because you take everything I say literally

I donít look for holes

What I say is full of holes

I don;ít like looking into holes

Why not?

Guess

No. That wuld be resisting

A guess?

Yes. Thatís looking for a hole, isnít it?

A guess? I suppose it is

Look whoís making demands

You put your finger on it

Yes, thatís a mental finger

Werenít you the one having eye trouble

Me or you

Probably both

On different occasions

Letís sync up on this

You put your finger on it

(Pause)

Did I ever tell you about the time you tried talking to me and that famous verbal agility fell into a hundred small pieces?

I can well imagine that happening

Iím talking about the reality of the situation

(Pause)Uncover this for me

What

You canít tell somethingís hidden? Uncover it

I canít tell whatís hidden

All the more reason

(Pause)

Uncover what?

(Pause)

Obviously, you donít answer

Because you try too hardMixed blessings. Somebodyís on my side

I know, antagonism can be an important source of things

Why do you have to repeat out loud what you know ˆ already think internally?

I was hoping youíd ask

(Pause)

Notice how I avoid answering?

Have a drink

When in doubt-- have a drink?

I think intoxication could clarify things a lot, because when they get too clear, they arenít capable of getting anybody very excited, are they.

Iím not excited

Drink

But if I drink, Iíll just fall asleep

And thatís not getting excited

(Pause)

Well, in my opinion, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep, is the most exciting thing imaginable

You already use your imagination to give things a special twist

Yes, I do try. Notice how your sentence ended with the word ëtwistí, which starts with a ëtí, and my sentence ended with the word ëtryí, which starts with a ëtí also.

Am I dreaming this?

No. Thatís why you think it isnít exciting-- but how wrong can somebody be when they refuse whatís offered

Iím not drinking

Good. Resist me

Iím sure in the end, I canít

Then radicalize that. Grovel in front of me

Thatís easy to imagine

Is that why you donít act it out immediately?

I thought I did

In your imagination

Oh, now everything is happeing right in front of our eyes

OUR eyes? We share those two?

(Pause)

Iím thinking about that and I suppose we do. I canít exoplain it, but it does seem true. After a while, it turns out we see things in identical fashion

No matter how hard we resist

Yes

Ah, that must be life

No, THIS is life

(Pause)

So it is

(Shakes hand)

See? Shaking hands is as good as having a drink

You convinced meThe really powerful magicians are dead

You know that for a fact

The realy powerful magicians are all dead. If I fall off my throne, there is always the chance my head hits a sharp object and the rresultant blank of consciousness is as close as I can get to a moment of revelation. So--

hold on tight.

At which moment, however?

The moment before falling-- or someplace later-- after the head has been compacted

(Pause)
Tell me your throne

Do you mean invent it?

Not right now

You sense it doesnít pre-exist

The moment you fall from it--?

Yes. Thatís when it exists retro-actively

I do see the aura it might be spreading over your physical body

No, thatís just my head whirling in its usual directions

Powerful?

Not me

But a magician?

Not me either

You could be keeping it a secret

That could be very powerful

Iíll be careful

But which way will you look to protect yourself-- towards me or towards a mirror

If I choose the proper angle-- looking into a mirror could capture both our images at the same time

Which one of us could capture your primary attention

Well-- me. Unl;ess I sensed that you were looking at me

Magic is only possible if such a question becomes unanswerable

Confused?

No. I mean totally unanswerable

But I AM confused

Thereís your answer

(Pause)

The really powerful magicians are dead

How did you prove it?

I put my hand over my heart, and nobody thumped back

I donít think that was much of an investigation

Yes, I proved I was dead

But still talking?

--Can I?

Yes

Then Iíll have to reconsider the entire question

The really powerful magicians--

No, no, no-- itís pretentious to talk about such things

My lips are sealed

Too late. Weíve ruined everything. So. Letís embrace the mediocracy that at least belings to us.

(Both rise, self embrace, moan and fall and roll on the floor)

I am not in this space. I am supposed to be in another space. Which is very close to this space, yes, but different. --Ah, you see, because of that, I just moved the hand in a way that was a little different from the way it was supposed to move

Whoís behind this

No, you donít understand

No, YOU donít understand

How could I understand, since there isnít an exact fit between the space Iím supposed to occupy and the space I do occupy.

Right

Does that ërightí mean youíre saying --I inderstand?

But I donít, so my ërightí is worthless

Here I go for a glass of wate 9goes, hits wall)

Thatís refreshing

It was a bit of a disagreement, of course, but I canít say it was refreshing

Still the same problem?

What problem

Itís a question

Everything is problematic-- so thereís no way to answer your question

Do you have the feeling that if you filled the right space, exactly filled it--

I do and I donít

Well, thatís more than you maintained a minute ago-- now itís fifty-fifty

I donít think I clarified my position

Suppose you were never born, I wonder where Iíd be right now

Somebody would take my place

You mean, Iíd be having a similar conversation, but with somebody else.

As long as we remember the word is similar, not exact

But I would be sitting alone in my room

Try it

(Goes)

Come back in here! Come back in here!

Notice how I learned how to leave the room without crashing into the wall? Thatís an accomplishment

(Pause)

As I was saying, suppose youíd never been born--

Why am I the focus of this little thought experiment?

OK. Suppose ˆíd never been born. Is trhere any way in whcih . . .the world would miss me at this moment?

Thereíd be a slight adjustment in the space I occupied. It would be hard to notice the different, but-- just a tiny bit-- twisted. In one direction or another

Well, when I die, that still wonít erase the fact a hundred per cent of my existence, will it

I suppose not

Right

Your see? We understand a good deal more than we think

I could just as well and honestly say right to the contrary proposition. We understand nothing at all. Right

Right

Hummm-- this has the making of a dilema

Right

Iíd like to be able to avoid that word

Right

RIGHT!

(Up, to door, smash)

Ah, that was refreshing.What is the name of this word I am seeking

Do words have names other than themselves?

Perhaps thatís the name I am looking for: ìitselfî

Ah, this is the word ëtruthí. itself

No. The more acceptable formula would be-- the name of the word truth, is itself

And the name of the word hope?

Itself

And the name of the word ëtomorrowí?

(Pause)

Wait a minute. I answered you too early. The name of the word truth, is itself. But the name of the word hope is different. Itís name is-- tomorrow. Somehow, you intuited that by requesting next, the name of the word tomorror, which is in fact the name given to hope. Then, the name of the word tomorrow-- that would be-- non-existence

And the name of the word existence? Because non-existence is two words really

The name of the word existence is partial, and the name of the word-- or more properly-- the prefex, ënoní, is in fact-- existence

So, weíre creating a whole dictionary of names

Yes

And itís different from a dictionary of words?

The difference is the intensity of illumination with which that dictionary blinds those who refer to its pages. --Here. Postulate this as the dictionary of names we are now creating. Look into it for clarification, but first hide oneís eyes

Then the dictionary is unreadable

Yes.

(hies eyes with blindfold)

What should I do now?

Find your way to the door

Iíve found it

Exit

(Turns)

Why

Itís locked

Then remove the blindfold

(Done)

Now. Try again

Now it opens

Now-- look into the dictionary without protecting your eyes--

But this isnít the real dictionary of names, this is a substitute. Something that stands in for that dictionary-- which doesnít of course exist as of yet

Afraid?

Yes, Iím afraid.

(Opens book)

Well, I escaped with my life after all

Donít be so sure

(Puts away book, sits)

Did I put it back in the right place on the shelf?

Yes, itís in the right place, and therefore, unopenable, alas

Alas

What does that mean?

What

Alas

(Pause)

I think Iíll keep that to myself, thank you

(Other blindfolds)

Why are you doing that

Alas, I think Iíll keep that to myself

And he did

What

And he always does what he says

Yes

And he always names things according to the exact hunger of the moment, which lasts much, much more, than a moment

This is no momentary thing. This is forever.

Alas

Forever, yes. Alas.Now I tell the truth about myself. My name is Rainer Thompson, and I have lost it completely

What

My name

But you just spoke it

Yes. Rainer Thompson, I remember having this name, and now I have lost it

Who are you

Rainer Thompson

Then you are named Rainer Thompson

Yes

Then you have not, it seems to me, lost your name, and I do not know what you are trying to express

Thatís just it. I am trying to avoid expressing myself

Why

Because-- that is something I shall not name for myself

Yourself being--?

Yes, I do exist certainly.

And who?

And ëwhoí?

Rainer Thompson

Then you have not yet lost the name Rainer Thompson

Not yet, perhaps. But I have lost it

Have you acquired another name in its place?

Well, I think the initals are the same

ìR, Tî.

Yes

Letís look up in the telephone book-- here it is-- Rainer Thompson.

(Phone rings)

Shall I anseer?

Please do

Hello?

(Pause)

There is a man here asking for Rainer Thompson

(Gives phone)

Hello? This is Rainer Thompson. Hello? Hello?

(Pause)

They must have hung up.

Or the line was disconnected

Or, Iíve been lying

But I donít think you are lying, Rainer Thompson

Youíre right. I never lie

And thatís a specifioc characteristic of Rainer Thompson. He never lies

I never lie

But of course, how can one know for sure

Right. One can never know for sure, says Rainer Thompson.My eyes burn and reverse themselves. This is a tunnel I enter. My eyes. And at the end of the tunnel I discover two secret halves of the same self.

Your eye speaks to me.

I cover it with my hand

(Pause)

Your hand pulsates from the pressure of a vein going directly to the heart

That same blood circulates behind the eyes and spells ëfireí

I too spell fire

Now-- I don;í know if itís my hand or my eye that is really a deeper part of my own sewlf. Think of it this way-- my hand can carress my own face. But my eye is unavailable to myself unless I look in a mirror

Is that mirror part of your own body

Not until I look into it

(Mirror brought)

Now it is

That means your body could have a hundred more parts

A hundred more mirrors-- yesWe are thinking of the mind that is at the center of things. But there is no mind at the center of things

There is my mind

Yes, exactly

At the center of things

But that center is here, in my mind, so there is no center of things where the mind is. So there is only a center of things-- outside-- in that far away landscape where one is able to locate, or at least postulate, mind and second mind andf third mind and fourth mind--

Howe many? Jump to a conclusion

I canít count how many

Oh, then it must be a world entire, huh?

No. The world is never the entire world; because minds can always be re-invented and re-combined and therefore re-named, so that a particular mind may have no name at all, and therefore, one makes a mistake

Only minds make mistakes, am I right?

It doesnít matter whether or not youíre right. Minds donít matter-- they just are

Thatís a kind of re-assurance

Yes. Like everything

Not everything is a re-assurance. A tornado isnít, if it whirls us to pieces--

Right

(Pause)

A tornado isnít a reassurance

What is it

Shhh. Do not speak the name of the tornado

You just did

No, I called it by its false name

Tornado

Then itís safe to use the name ëtornadoí

All names, are safe, because, once used, they are no longer accurate names, hence safe.

So all names are safe

All names are safe. Yes

(hug)Pouring forth from the body, and pouring forth from the speech mechanism

Whatís the difference

There is no difference

The body and the speech mechanism in tandum

Yes

(Pause)

Iím glad I was able to express it for myself

You see? Luck is on your side

Everything collaborates, I suppose

Everything

(Embrace)Please. Allow error

I do. I always do

(Pause)

Saying it doesnít make it true, you know

(Pause)

I thought saying it was one realm, and being true was one other realm

Right. Separated by a glass wall

You mean-- a window, or a mirror

Hug me

Will it come true?

What

Will a mirror and a glass wall be the same, really

If you hug me, Yes

Then I will hesitate

--But you will hug me

Yes. I will hug you

(Done)

Now, look at the lamp

(Pause)

Between you and the lamp, is there a mirror or a glass wall

You mean a window?

Yes

Thereís always a window

Thereís always a glass wall

(exit)

Some people can walk through glass walls and some people canít, and indeed, find themselves looking into a mirror

(Blindfolded)

Really, what I say has a particular reationship to the truth that is no more or less than the truth itself. I accept this, and the reason I accept this is because my name is Rainer Thompson. Yes. I am Rainer Thompson. I am Rainer Thompson. I am Rainer Thompson

Perhaps-- having no end? Well, the man in the mirror said it first. He was himself, a hero. This was a definition of things no one chose to deny because denial was an opening up of a place for empty space to assert itself, and when we say ëno oneí-- it was indeed no-one. An emptiness, that entered the situation, as emptiness always enters-- no matter what powerful efforts are made, no matter how many interiour doors are locked that Mr no-one himself, emptiness, enters

Emptiness is here! Emptiness is here! Emptiness is finally here!This hesitation speaks about a few of the hundred subjects I have at my fingertips. Or not subjects really-- catagories. Each of them has a name

Do begin

Naming names?

Yes

(Pause)

Suddenly shy-- I wait for an answer from inside

You certainly zip through catagories

I did nothing yet

I can see it in your eyes, however

The future?

No. If I look to the window-- thatís the future

--and looking into my eyes is looking into the past.

See?

We understand each other

I have my back to the window

I donít see it

Then you depend on me to evoke it

Yes

Then--

(Points to eye)

--out of the past-- comes the future

(Pause)

I almost started my own list of catagories

Then?

The moment passed. I got busy in other directions

You donít look busy at all

Iím waiting to call you an equal participant

What big eyes I have

The better to see me with

Thatís my way of participating.A hundred thousand dictionaries-- if they all have the same words-- just one of them erased, that could cause trouble

It might be the one word you were looking for

Oh no, that sounds to me like a mis-use of a dictionary.

So Iím at fault after all

Donít worry. Just invent words as you go along

I can think of inventing sentences, but inventing words is another matter

Which place hides your true feelings?

Place?

Sentences or words

Neither of those is a place

Well, Iím speaking of a landscape-like articulation, true, but you should be able to move in whatever realms I postulate, because certainly you do have feelings for me of one sort or another. They donít have to be positive.

Here--

(Points to house)

Just look

Am I inside?

No answer from me

Why not

I donít think in those terms

But your force me to think in those terms.

I certainly doOh please, when you would rather I return all favors multiplied-- then I would say-- sweetness is unbearable to the giver of gifts

Is that your discovery, is that my discovery

This is a gift that leads to the past

(Pause, open)

It is beautiful. Iíll save it

See? I said it ;ead to the past

Oh, itís safe in here. Available whenever I want to make use of it.

Which might be later

Yes

Any mistake that seems important to me is probably no mistake. And yet, and yet, things fall apart when I touch them. So. How about the appropriate cry of pain?

Rainer Thompson, are you ready to show me the inside of your mental processes?

I suppose I am

(Pause)

I suppose I am Rainer Thompson

Better doubt yourself than doubt your ability to talk about yourself

I can do nothing with suggestions coming from outside my consciousness

Does your consciousness suggest things?

Yes

Is it happening right now?

No. My consciousness is asleep

Here, let me awaken it with a dictionary

Tried once, failed onceMy thinking is interesting to me and someone different. Excuse me-- thatís why I didnít want to talk

But you talk

(Pause)

Well, up til now youíve been talking incessently

You caused my thought to black out

Iím sorry

Youíre not sorry. Youíre something else

What

(Pause)

I donít know

Youíd better get back on the thinking trolly

I donít know if Iíll be able to do that

Of course you will, it happens automatically

(Pause)

Use something to help-- pick an object

A chair

OK. The one youíre sitting on?

Iím not sitting

You were. Therefore you can have an objective relationship

(Pause)

I see it collapsing, then I see it adrift in a river, then I see it with wings, then I see it with an eye in the center--

Ah, you turned it into a thinking chair I believe. Now, all you have to do is to put yourself in its place

(Pause)

This CHAIR that I am, sees a world full of people who lack me.

You as a sitable mechaism?

Yes, though Iím something different

A dictionary?

Yes-- nobody knows how to acess my mechanisms. Therefore-- I offer myself. Use me

What does the word ëpoliteí mean?

It means I help by backing away just a little

Why does the word ëpoliteí begin with the same letter, in the english language, as the word ëpowerí?

Because English speaking people are powerful

And polite?

Because of their politeness.

I think somebodyís doing some thinking

I think somebody fell into a river--

Wasnít that a chair??

Yes, once. Not now

Have a seat

What?

Have a seat

Ah, I can see my thinking was only partially successful

I think those are the limits of thinking

Iím polite-- so I donít disagree. But Iím powerful-- so I change the rules of the game

What are the new rules

(Pause)

What are the new rules. What are the--

Shhh. I aim at silence.

(Exit)There is nothing inside me. Everything is in my words, which are of course, outside me

You speak them

I latch onto them, thatís all. They jostle each other on the tip of my tongue-- each single one looking to take the definitive leap, deep into the brain

My brain?

My brain aso. Help. My brain has been attacked by a word

Perhaps if I leaf through this dictionary?

There are thousands of words youíll have to try before you, quite accidentally, come up with the correct individual

(Pause, book open)

Iím waiting for you to inspire me

Well, choose one of those words you just vocalized

Impress?

A bit prfetentious

Waiting?

I admit my own pretentiousness, of course

Pick one

No, the choice is yours, Iím sorry I interfered

ëWaitingí-- thatís the one I choose

(Pause)

Think of an appropriate gestures

(Pause)

Ah, and he did

Iím waiting to hear it from your own mouth

ìWaiting?î

Yes. And I did

He did reach into the arena from which he extracted an important word

Oh? Is it that easy?

I do not remind myself about easy or not easy. Therefore, because such considerations influence no choice, the word is unimportant

(Pause)

When this word is written--

Shhhh

Why ëshhhí?

The word is written, not spoken

(Pause)_

Therefore, when the word is written--

Shhhhh

--is it written in a large hand or a small hand

(Pause)

This hand of mine--

No, the size of the written word, written on a piece of paper

Is it the written word, or is it the hand

Now Iím confused

Taste it

What

Taste the confusion

How

Taste the honey

There is hony on my lips

Lick them

(Pause)

Now speak

The word I am urged to speak--

Shhhh. Not spoken, written, with a hand like yours except, much larger

The size of my hand is everything I canít change

Then, use it for other things

(Pause, rises, goes)

It opens a door for instance

(One goes)The word I have chosen, plays inside a volcano. When it bites, I try to bite back, but my tongue, longing for its sweetness, causes trouble.

Reshapes it, devours it, so the real world is not eaten, but a substitute word is eaten and the real world-- exists where?

The word ëmaybeí, in a hundred guises-- is this an invisible way to pronounce the word on fire?

Perhaps the fire is thed word but the fire burns more than the word or perhaps-- the fire teaches the word how to cause pain. And therefore, assuming the shape of the beloved, itís power over me destroyd me.

Maybe

(Other returns)

I found not what I was looking for

Let me see your hand

(Given)

Nothingís written here

Of course not

Pick up a pen

(Done)

Write the first thing that enters your head

(Goes to wall)

Not on the wall--

Then I donít write

Letís see your hand

(given)

Somethingís written here

(Looks)

Nothingís written here

Somethingís written here

A word?

Shhh

(Pause)

Itís your own imagination

Shhhh

(Pause. Goes)The word I was capable of writing, versus the word I did not write

(Given cared)

Ah yes. This word is a participant in many different patterns of thinking

(Paus, frowns)

I gave you one word, but in using it--

I didnít use it

No, I meant in commenting on it, you used another I find extremely provocative

Yes?

The word ëpatternsí

Isnít it interesting you confused what you wanted to say

Inn the first stab of expressing myself, yes. I made a mistake

Isnít that interesting

You said the word I selected was interesting

On this card?

Yes

How did you choose it

Well, I didnít. It was already written on the card

I wonder if I wrote it myself?

(Pause)

It doesnít matter, since I have no memory of doing so

Should we focus on the word?

(tears up card)

Certainly not, since you just discovered something else to be interested about

Yes. Several things

Not every one of them a word, I suppose. Though I imagine every one of them can be so transformed

Yes

Matched

Yes

And what does that match

What

Well-- the last thing you said was ëyesí

The last thing I said was ëwhatí

What does that match-- not the word ëwhatí, but the sequence of words-- ëyes-- what--í Thatís much more interesting

Youíve lost me

Thatís interesting too-- so many of your words are interesting, Martin Wainright

I never told you that name

But you use it sometimes

Yes, sometimes I use the name Martin Wainright

Now? Well-- you donít have to answer since you certainly responded when I used the name Martin Wainright

I wasnít sure, Iím still now sure, how you were using it

But you are Martin Wainright

Yes. I am Martin Wainright

(Pause)

For now

No, I think-- for now and for ever

I canít see that far into the future

I bet you can READ that far into the future

I have no way of knowing

Martin Wainright-- find your name in this book

(hands over phone book, other finds it)

ìmartin Wainrightî. But itís just a telephone book--

Yes

(Phone rings)

Donít answer

Why not? I wouldnít answer, since itís your phone, not mine.

(Ringing stops)

Now. What would happen if you dialed the telephone number of Martin Wainright

It wouldnít answer, since Iím not there

Then perhaps a more powerful word is needed

I never claimed Martin Wainright were powerful words

True

Make a suggestion

What was that word on the card you showed me?

We never spoke it.

Then it must be powerful indeed

(Phone rings)

Iíd better answer the demands of such a powerful word

(Picks up receiver. Pause, holding it)

Say hello

Why

You picked up the receiver

I donít think anything powerful can happen over a telephone

Then put down the receiver

Why?

(Pause)

Does Martin Wainright make that request

Yes

You see? Thereís a certain power in that name after all

(Pause)

Am I right?

(other goes)

Obviously, I was right. ìMartin Wainrightî. No, I donít think that name suits me at all

(Peeking back in)

Careful

I would never use that name without your permission, sir

Careful

Iím being very careful, sir

(Pause, door closed again. alone)

Now that Iím alone, of course, I can do whatever pleases me.

(other peeks in again)

Donít be silly. I do what pleases me whether youíre here or whether youíre not here

(Closed again)

Not true. When Iím alone, nothing pleases me

(exit)

A word is not a thing I can handle right now-- but here I am, using a couple-- so: where does that put me in the catagory of so-called sincerity in dealing with myself?

Oh-- this self-reflectiveness HURTS.

No!

It doesnít; it simply seems that two different kinds of words are batteling it out for my attention, so who gets named with no hope of more rigorous attention to details like adjectives, adverbs etc, etc-- I donít need those because my name-- well, Iíll keep it a secret for now.

(Laughs)

I realy want to say it out loud, but I can control myself. I think I can. I think I can

(Laughs)I think I can control myself. But when I look into my own eyes-- I recognize that the unanswered question is the potent question

Can you control yourself?

I answered that. I think so.

Whatís the unanswered question?

The one you havenít asked yet

Time will tell

You never come up with the relevent question. Therefore-- I have a relative degree of freedom and just coast along in limbo like this-- but my problem is how to use my relative degree of freedom

Maybe the unanswerable question is one YOU invent, not me

Ah, you see? What weíre really talking about is power

No, this isnít a conversation

It could change into a conversation

(Pause)

Even if you say nothing

How can it be a conversation if I say nothing

(Pause)

Youíre not answering? Was that an unanswerable question? I donít think so

I donít think so either

(Pause)

What really has power over me?

(Pause. Exit)Three different people spoke to me in terms I reject. This is not unusual. Tears I reject are pleas for understanding. Limitation of possible misinterpretation, and the general desire to force sentiment to replace timetable logic.

So, confronted with such idiocy-- I act the fool, except it must be admitted I am too inhibited to act the real fool, so I act only the substitute fool and the cut of this costume makes me-- blend into the crowd, shall we say?

I never heard you say anything more ridiculous.

Ah, thatís my true limitation, surfacing at last

Iím sure you donít want to be quoted

No--secrets; I aim at results, and I miss the target because my mouth is nowhere NEAR as cpntrollable as I would like my mouth to, someday, be.

But from here-- your mouth looks perfect

As a mouth-- yes, it is perfect. As a language machine, it has the disadvantages of all machines

Tell me

Telling falls over itself, and the examples produced are rumors of explinations-- stop right there

I stopped

Why do I have such power over you?

Iíll never tell

Tell me everything

That means I disolve in your powerful aura

Then I have somebody to play with, and I start tearing myself to pieces. Help! Help!

(He writhes)This was my home. Now itís-- well, something different

What

I donít know. A wilderness?

Then you must have departed

Yes. I am no longer in residence. Is this my body?

Yes

(Pause)

I suppose, concerning your own body, you are the ultimate authority

Then weíre in trouble

No. Youíre in trouble

You psyched me out

Of course. From the wilderness I get my power

Welcome home

Welcome home!

You win

Welcome home!

I grovel. Here, at home, where grovelling is the only available alternative.Reaching the end of his life-- this white haired gentleman realizes--

what I have done, has been good--

good enough to touch all four corners

of that part of the soul that was touchable,

and because he endured just long enough to do that touching--

and not a moment longer--

his life was, as one is wont to say, complete--

everything cut short, of course,

because different perspectives are available

and while none of them realy work,

these different perspectives, all of them are--

in and of themselves-- hahaha

Just what the doctor ordered,

except--

nobody knows that name of that doctor,

white haired, beautiful,

the one you look at whenever you look

into the real

mirror.

Here it is.

Except-- nothing is here.

Get it? Get it? Get it?

Get it?

Why did I have to wait until I was too old to get it-- to get it!I couldnít recall the name. --What name?

This is not how it should end, but should it end.

(Me too) I expected to speak, but I didnít

Ah, total availablity.

Thatís the answer to your question

What question

Well, the question that didnít know itís name

Mine

Yes-- once that name existed.

Now-- erased. OK

But such a beautiful emptiness should. eventually, produce something equally poignant? Ah, there I go again, giving names to something I hope goes to work while Iím sleeping, which is always-- because thatís where work works-- doesnít it? And the names it receives like so many

bejweled crowns, pilled up one on top of the other

until the head

REALLY falls down from all of that blistering beautifulness on top

of a very delicate meachanism really, and one can REALLY be dead finally-- to everything except what works, and it works.

No matter wjat happens-- it works.Letís go outside this room

Why

This room has no escape hatch

But doors? Yes, it has doors

But it has no escape hatch

You mean-- in the ceiling?

(Pause)

I suppose I mean that

Escape is possible in other directions

But ìupî?Not in that direction

(Pause)

Why did I say that

What

I donít feel the need to escape. The contrary

Whatís the contrary to escaping.

Why did I say that

I donít think you said what you think you said

I certainly tried

Name it

If I name it, thereís no escape. Iíve defined my terms and Iím a prisoner of my definition.

Thereís always an escape hatch

Where

Oh well, a word can be placed in different contexts

Letís just assume this context is satisfactory

Yes, but for which word

(Pause)

ìComfortableî. Why did I say that?

You must be comfortable here

Or the opposite

No. I was using it to name something

A person

(Pause)

_______________

That disillusionment you seem to be talking about--

No.Probably not. He probably wasnít thinking-- this is me. Probably not thinking. Just talking

(Pause)

Hello, because if I talk long enough something usually answers. Or at least a telephone rings and Iím in my element. Not that I always answer the telephone. Why did I say that? I think I always answer the telephone, but better not-- I mean, next time, because I just made myself very vulnurable indeed.

(other enters)

I heard you talking

Then I better keep my voice down. What I mean is-- it was not my desire to cause you a problem

No such thing. I felt like having a conversation

As simple as that

Yes

Well, youíre about to discover nothingís quite that simple

(Goes. phone rings. other goes to pick up)

(Enter)

Hold it-- thatís for me!

(Goes, takes it and puts back on receiver and exits)

I wonít even ask what that was about. Except-- why shouldnít I satisfy my curiosity

(Pause. Goes)I did go on and on and on when I reached the end of this particular roadIím not sure if I dare to look where nobody else looks

(Pause)

I do know, that when I am in pain, I of course want to look for the SOURCE of that pain, and if I find my hand trembling I just-- try to move it in such a way that nobody notices the trembling-- except now, I canít move it.

So I have to find some other way to disguise the truth about myself and that might consist of CLOSING my EYES TIGHT

so I seem to myself at least to be existing in some other place.

(Pause)

Now, with my eyes shut tight, can I find my way out of this room?

(Gets to door)

Is this think locked?

(Turns knob)

No. Not locked

(Exits)

(Another enters, hesitates, backs out. Another in thru another door)

Who left this door open?

(Closes)

Letís hope it doesnít happen againProbably the name that escapes me is the one I am looking for

(Pause)

Donít expect me to help

Do you see me reaching out my hand

Oh no, but I know in which direction your head is svidently flying, and I protect myself with avaiable pieces of furniture

Chair, tables, bookcases--

No name games are permitted in this arena

Is it a game if itís a metter of life and death

Thatís an exageration

If I donít exagerate, I donít get any clear mental pictures

I donít think the name you are looking for is a clear mental picture

No?

Then responsibility lets go and I can gyrate in whatever direction--

Hold it.

(Goes)

Ah, that must be a hint. Now I have to get down to real private concentration

(enter)

Opps

(Back out)

I look upon that as a distraction-- but I also look upon that as hint number two. Well armed at last, I can put off til tomorror what I donít seem to be able to accomplish todsay.

(Exit)Perhaps I could write you a letter explaining my hesitation to speak to you of whatís most deep inside me.

It could be the fiction of a mind at work, apparently.

It could, on the other hand, allow me an openness not obtAinable except my misrfepresentation

I could, perhaps, discover lots being asleep, but I canít sleep

Then why are you smiling?

(sung: Smile, smile, smile)

Who smiles? Why says that?

Go away, go away, let me listen to my private music.

I think youíre using it like a drug, to make you sleep

Yes, but thatís my business about sleeping, because I am the one hungry for sleep.The language of speaking is the language I use. But I have no accurate way to place, or position that language. But I use that language

If I speak, and succeed in saying something-- then what is happening is speaking

I use speaking through using silence

I use silence for creating silence, and speaking for creating the spoken, and the spoken is able to speak of silence, finally, when I say something in speaking

Here is a gift of fruit

Take it, take it, take it, take it I am told.

Take it. Take this gift of fruit

Here is a gift of fruit, and this is speaking. This is my way of speaking

(use slow, ecstatic & Scelsi)Oh yes, doubt me not when I say-- tomorror is wonderful

Does that mean-- I have seen tomorrow and it is wonderful

No. Nothing like that. Rather-- tomorrow is wonderful because it will come. Simply, it will come. And that is wonderfulHow I smile

What I smile about-- how the smile I smile makes my face hurtSECRET PERFORMANCES

If I am not your friend, this also could be a source of energy.

Do you think God is speaking to you in the details of the world from which he has withdrawn. Leaving hints in things-- but of course, his withdrawal was but another make believe adventure

(Is it God I am after?

I think you ae still trying to find out.

But donít let your illusions vanish, Benita Capromina, because without your illusions, you will be forced to see things bothg as they are and as they are not-- totally without separation. This may be too much for someone such as yourself to assimilate)

Take my hand

Why

Take my hand

Why?

This is a transfer of energy.

I donít have much faith in thatHere-- take my hand.

you donít want to leave without me

Iím going no place.

(Pause)

Do I have to wait for this to happen to me here?

In that case-- it already has happened

Can I make you a drink?

Why not

Youíll probably be thinking less clearly if you drink something

That could be a godsend

Youíre a believer?

(Pause)

Then I sould make you a drink

Trying to make a believer out of me?

Itís a gift

Which I will no doubt return by continuing to entertain you

(Pause)

What would you say is really going on?

Oh-- thatís beyond me

Thatís why you offered me a drink

Wait a minute-- didnít you offer ME a drink?

(Pause_

Then Iím doubly confused

Well, we confuse each other

Itís mutual

Yes. Thatís why weíre so good together

I donít think so--

Wait a minute, donít go.

Donít you mean, take me with you?

No. Iím not going anyplace

(Other goes)

Ah. I lied. Here I am

(phone rings)

Thereís that telephone call somebody was expecting

(Rings. stops. Then, picked up)

Hello?

(Puts down). Pause and rings again)

Ah. I get a second chance.Where did I put my glasses

You need them to see things

Yes--

Then hopefully-- theyíll turn up

Well-- I can see, but I can see better if I have them

Thatís hard to prove, but I guess the subjective criteria is the most necessary

(Pause)

Itís been proven to my satisfaction

Then Iíd be very careful about misplacing oneís eyeglasses

Youíre not able to help

Not yet

When

Oh, letís say I come upon them accidentally. Then Iíd be able

Youíd tell me

Of course

But I donít think youíll be doing that kind of exploratory activity

I said by accident

I donít think it matter what you SAY, it matters what you DO>

Wait a minute

(Pats pocket)

Oh no-- these are mine

Really

Yes. I wear them sometimes

I wonder if theyíd work just as good for me

Well-- be my guest

You donít need them

Not right now

What do you use them for, reading?

Yes. When do YOU need them

Reading

Well, have a try

(Purs on)

Now what I need is something to read

Well-- try this

How convenient

It may not be appropriate.

Read the title

--Well--YOU read the title. Thatís the first test.

Oh, I donít think it matters whether the content ofthis book is appropriate or not-- I canít even imagine what would determine appropriateness, since itís a reading test, not a content judgement

It could be in a language that doesnít even use a familar alphabet.

Is it?

No. I donít think so

Iíll take your word for it

(Pause)

So-- how do you find the glasses

Good

Are you going to give up looking for yourown?

I hadnít actively started looking for them yet

So I see

Itís amazing how much we pick up on-- even when the vision apparatus is operating at something less than one hundred per-cent

Then these glasses arenít perfect

Of course not perfect

(Hands them back)

Theyíre not perfect for me either, so if youíd like to hold on to them--

No.

--Just until you come upon your own?

No.

By accident

Well, that wouldnít be an accident

I donít understand

I remember where I put them.

(Pause)

Oh. Then Iíll take mine back.

(phone: Hello? Hello?Did you ever identify yourself?

How bizarre

I tried, but of course it had to be more to the point than using a name--

Just for the hell of it.

No--

Throw a name into the arena

This is fuzzy--

Try--

It might begin with a ìBî

I agree

What Fuzzy

I have a name, of course-- but youíre interested in something else

What

Youíre interested in meeting that person, or that kind of a person, for whom or about whom-- the name is just a MIRROR, dazzling but totally second hand.

ìBî. It could be Benjamin

Ah, thatís YOUR choice.

(Pause)

When Benjamin entered my life--

I havenít entered your life

Well, thereís been a collision of sorts

You probably think my name is Benjamin

No?

What does that NO refer to.

It spins, thatís all

I have the feeling thagt all this stuff pours out, and Iím agile enough to respond appropriately-- but a time will come

Yes, it will

When such agility will desert me. I wpnít be able to dance

Probably not

Things-- riches-- will fall at my feet, but I shall be unable to bend over enough to gather my just deserts

Funny you should mention that

What

Desters--

Ah, thatís not a name I think much about

A name?

Deserts

A name

Itís part of a meal. Something sweet, towards the end.

Always?

Not always.

Sad

The not always part-- yet thatís sad.

No. Thatís not whatís sad-- what I call sad is the fact that when a name is supposed to be uncovered, ëdesertí is that name that stands in for something -- not sweet--but oh, very sweet indeed.

One is supposed to discipline oneself, I suppose

Can that be sweet also?

Well, if one doesnít analyse too meticulously

Yes, then it disolves any potential sweeteness.

Or-- sweetness itself.

See? Anything is possible

Any name is possible

Yes, as long as we don

ët commit ourselves

The range is vast-- Benjamin, Bernard, Bedrtram, Bill, Bob, Byron--

Go on.

(:aughs)

The renge isnít as vast as I had supposed

I think what we see is a softening of the brainís resources

Soft-- yes. But sweet

Sweet

Of course, when two people agree, thatís always-- sweetness

(Hand out)

OK. All this material is pouring into my life and I am here as a kind of focus, trying to make sense of it or at least a certain way of organizing it. But before I was here-- this material was still pouring in only I wasnít here in any way to organize it, so what was it like-- here-- before I was here.

(Pause)

I have the feeling the world is aware of me-- so-- what was the world like-- how was it different-- before it was aware of me.

I have nothing to say about this subject.

Ah-- is that my answer?

Please.

Please to the one hundred times repeated demand for happinessYou can-- be in a room, of course. And the energy circulating in that room can crest over you like a wave, and the other people in that room, interacting, create that wave, and you too do rise and fall to its rhythm.

But is there more to be said than this?

Is there some other adventure that rules, inside this wave of energy that so resembles such similar wAves echoed in other times and places?

Drinks are awallowed, and new ideas circulate. The glasses from which beverages are consumed have no say in things-- they serve only.

This does not effect their transparency, and in fact, they are neither more nor less transparent than oter objects populating a worldWhat did you say your name was?

Yours?

Ah, then we neednít mention it

Right. Weíve done a good job of avoiding it

Sweet

Thank you

No-- thank YOU.

(They shake)Here is a man whoís eyes fail him

Doubtful

He was hopeful, however, that everything could be resolved in favor of clear sightedness--

Doubtful

I offer no resistance. Thatís how I profit

I donít see much happening in this arena

Look closer, youíll see that we resemble each other

Oh, geeric human beings--

Stop right there. Iíve decided to be re-namable

This name thing features big in your repertory of demands

No no. No demands, didnít you hear me?

I heard about no resistance, I didnít hear about no demands

Thatís because you take everything I say literally

I donít look for holes

What I say is full of holes

I don;ít like looking into holes

Why not?

Guess

No. That wuld be resisting

A guess?

Yes. Thatís looking for a hole, isnít it?

A guess? I suppose it is

Look whoís making demands

You put your finger on it

Yes, thatís a mental finger

Werenít you the one having eye trouble

Me or you

Probably both

On different occasions

Letís sync up on this

You put your finger on it

(Pause)

Did I ever tell you about the time you tried talking to me and that famous verbal agility fell into a hundred small pieces?

I can well imagine that happening

Iím talking about the reality of the situation

(Pause)Uncover this for me

What

You canít tell somethingís hidden? Uncover it

I canít tell whatís hidden

All the more reason

(Pause)

Uncover what?

(Pause)

Obviously, you donít answer

Because you try too hardOh? Mixed blessings. Somebodyís on my side

I know, antagonism can be an important source of things

Why do you have to repeat out loud what you know ˆ already think internally?

I was hoping youíd ask

(Pause)

Notice how I avoid answering?

Have a drink

When in doubt-- have a drink?

I think intoxication could clarify things a lot, because when they get too clear, they arenít capable of getting anybody very excited, are they.

Iím not excited

Drink

But if I drink, Iíll just fall asleep

And thatís not getting excited

(Pause)

Well, in my opinion, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep, is the most exciting thing imaginable

You already use your imagination to give things a special twist

Yes, I do try. Notice how your sentence ended with the word ëtwistí, which starts with a ëtí, and my sentence ended with the word ëtryí, which starts with a ëtí also.

Am I dreaming this?

No. Thatís why you think it isnít exciting-- but how wrong can somebody be when they refuse whatís offered

Iím not drinking

Good. Resist me

Iím sure in the end, I canít

Then radicalize that. Grovel in front of me

Thatís easy to imagine

Is that why you donít act it out immediately?

I thought I did

In your imagination

Oh, now everything is happeing right in front of our eyes

OUR eyes? We share those two?

(Pause)

Iím thinking about that and I suppose we do. I canít exoplain it, but it does seem true. After a while, it turns out we see things in identical fashion

No matter how hard we resist

Yes

Ah, that must be life

No, THIS is life

(Pause)

So it is

(Shakes hand)

See? Shaking hands is as good as having a drink

You convinced me

(More activity, sex?)Oh, these angels do cause pain. And the justification for that may be that angels hurt most when they are most invisible

Do you mean they are invisible, or they are disguised as something other than angels

It is the option of disguise that I favor

In certain lights-- yes. In certain atmospheric conditions, their angelic nature is more visible, slightly visible, hinted at in a way that is not, however, favorable to their certain discovery

Now, I am released to say to you-- I am such an angel. I am such a disguised being-- and I am able to say this because of the great love I feel

as a potential inside you

I have no such confidence

Donít you see a hint-- the faintest sweet smile, hovering someplace near the lips--

I choose not to look, because disappointment is always worse than the emptiness to which Iíve become accustomed.

Oh, I donít smile for you-- I smile for involentary internal reasons

I didnít know that there was an inside to angels

Each is unique, so any statement or anticipation is certainly erroronious

Perhaps the word angel itslf is a misnomeaner

Yes

But my vocabulary has its limits

Iíd think in terms other than a vocabulary

Such as?

Geture, possibly. Why not widen some potential of the body and translate that into a motion of the limbs--

My limbs donít move easily

Well, Imagine it

If you read my thoughts, you are somebody less beautiful in my eyes, because thenmy thoughts must be filling YOU, and my thoughts are not particularly beautiful in and of themselves--

But inside of myself, donít you believe that I automatically transform them?

(Pause)

I suppose you do

If I am an angel

But as we already know--

Yes, I am not an angel, bexause there is no such thing. But iof such a thing did exist, I would then be-- such a thing.Here. I brought you drugs

Iíd ratrher not see an angel when Iím taking drugs

Angels have taken drugs

What kind?

Oh, the kind that leaves things as they are

But more intense?

No. Leaving things as they are is the most intense choice possible

Iíd still rather not see an angel

Do you mean, youíd rather not have an angel see you when you were taking drugs?

Iím confused

Angels are always confused

That surprises me. I was under the impression that to be anything in the same catagory which could be an angelís catagory, was to bathe in a certain lucidity-- a cleansing that was like total transparency--

And isnít that confusion? Isnít that a definition of confusion?

I thought I was defining the opposite

You see how confused is the opposite of confusion?

(Pause)

Not really. But then, I have no special insight. I have only-- drugs; for my special insight

I donít disapprove of drugs, which may surprise you

It does

Thereís nothing special about this intensity. Itís like the others

For instance?

--Ah, here comes a magic animal. But like all animals-- a little confused

(Bear enters) The really powerful magicians are dead

You know that for a fact

hold on tight.

At which moment, however?

The moment before falling-- or someplace later-- after the head has been compacted

(Pause)
Tell me your throne

Do you mean invent it?

Not right now

You sense it doesnít pre-exist

The moment you fall from it--?

Yes. Thatís when it exists retro-actively

I do see the aura it might be spreading over your physical body

No, thatís just my head whirling in its usual directions

Powerful?

Not me

But a magician?

Not me either

You could be keeping it a secret

That could be very powerful

Iíll be careful

But which way will you look to protect yourself-- towards me or towards a mirror

If I choose the proper angle-- looking into a mirror could capture both our images at the same time

Which one of us could capture your primary attention

Well-- me. Unl;ess I sensed that you were looking at me

Magic is only possible if such a question becomes unanswerable

Confused?

No. I mean totally unanswerable

But I AM confused

Thereís your answer

(Pause)

The really powerful magicians are dead

How did you prove it?

I put my hand over my heart, and nobody thumped back

I donít think that was much of an investigation

Yes, I proved I was dead

But still talking?

--Can I?

Yes

Then Iíll have to reconsider the entire question

The really powerful magicians--

No, no, no-- itís pretentious to talk about such things

My lips are sealed

Too late. Weíve ruined everything. So. Letís embrace the mediocracy that at least belings to us.

(Both rise, self embrace, moan and fall and roll on the floor)

James: I am not in this space. I am supposed to be in another space. Which is very close to this space, yes, but different. --Ah, you see, because of that, I just moved the hand in a way that was a little different from the way it was supposed to move

Whicjh one of you is behind this

No, you donít understand

No, YOU donít understand

How could I understand, since there isnít an exact fit between the space Iím supposed to occupy and the space I do occupy.

Right

Does that ërightí mean youíre saying --I inderstand?

But I donít, so my ërightí is worthless

Here I go for a glass of wate 9goes, hits wall)

Thatís refreshing

It was a bit of a disagreement, of course, but I canít say it was refreshing

Still the same problem?

What problem

Itís a question

Everything is problematic-- so thereís no way to answer your question

Do you have the feeling that if you filled the right space, exactly filled it--

I do and I donít

Well, thatís more than you maintained a minute ago-- now itís fifty-fifty

I donít think I clarified my position

Suppose you were never born, I wonder where Iíd be right now

Somebody would take my place

You mean, Iíd be having a similar conversation, but with somebody else.

As long as we remember the word is similar, not exact

But I would be sitting alone in my room

Try it

(Goes)

Come back in here! Come back in here!

Notice how I learned how to leave the room without crashing into the wall? Thatís an accomplishment

(Pause)

As I was saying, suppose youíd never been born--

Why am I the focus of this little thought experiment?

OK. Suppose ˆíd never been born. Is trhere any way in whcih . . .the world would miss me at this moment?

Thereíd be a slight adjustment in the space I occupied. It would be hard to notice the different, but-- just a tiny bit-- twisted. In one direction or another

Well, when I die, that still wonít erase the fact a hundred per cent of my existence, will it

I suppose not

Right

Your see? We understand a good deal more than we think

I could just as well and honestly say right to the contrary proposition. We understand nothing at all. Right

Right

Hummm-- this has the making of a dilema

Right

Iíd like to be able to avoid that word

Right

RIGHT!

(Up, to door, smash)

Ah, that was refreshing. Now I tell the truth about myself. My name is Rainer Thompson, and I have lost it completely

What

My name

But you just spoke it

Yes. Rainer Thompson, I remember having this name, and now I have lost it

Who are you

Rainer Thompson

Then you are named Rainer Thompson

Yes

Then you have not, it seems to me, lost your name, and I do not know what you are trying to express

Thatís just it. I am trying to avoid expressing myself

Why

Because-- that is something I shall not name for myself

Yourself being--?

Yes, I do exist certainly.

And who?

And ëwhoí?

Rainer Thompson

Then you have not yet lost the name Rainer Thompson

Not yet, perhaps. But I have lost it

Have you acquired another name in its place?

Well, I think the initals are the same

ìR, Tî.

Yes

Letís look up in the telephone book-- here it is-- Rainer Thompson.

(Phone rings)

Shall I anseer?

Please do

Hello?

(Pause)

There is a man here asking for Rainer Thompson

(Gives phone)

Hello? This is Rainer Thompson. Hello? Hello?

(Pause)

They must have hung up.

Or the line was disconnected

Or, Iíve been lying

But I donít think you are lying, Rainer Thompson

Youíre right. I never lie

And thatís a specifioc characteristic of Rainer Thompson. He never lies

I never lie

But of course, how can one know for sure

Right. One can never know for sure, says Rainer Thompson.

(Blindfolded)

Emptiness is here! Emptiness is here! Emptiness is finally here!

Rainer Thompson, are you ready to show me the inside of your mental processes?

I suppose I am

(Pause)

I suppose I am Rainer Thompson

Better doubt yourself than doubt your ability to talk about yourself

I can do nothing with suggestions coming from outside my consciousness

Does your consciousness suggest things?

Yes

Is it happening right now?

No. My consciousness is asleep

Here, let me awaken it with a dictionary

Tried once, failed onceI can imagine a man who loses touch with reality

I cannot imagine such a man

This inability of yours represents your own losing touch with reality

I insist this is impossible. Believe me-- if I could lose touch with reality I would persue that with a vengence. But whatever turn I take, I find myself still enclosed in that c ircle that asserts itself as perhaps centerless, but nevertheless in regards to which I am always in the center.

Because.

I am I.

Radiating out from me is what I radiate. Then, I touch, as in a reflection, things that are sometimes houses, trees, or other people, and sometimes dreams or even emptiness.

Itís the same, isnít it. I canít stop the process of this invisible, poverty stricken me, generating more and more reality no matter what the intensity of my efforts to remove my self so I am not in touch with reality, but I am!Partically dead

Oh, not quite

Thatís what I said

Partially dead

Not quiteDoes this mean youíve lost touch with reality

Oh, long ao

I thought so

Thatís my only contact

What with

With realityAre you in love

I donít think so

How about me

Oh? Why not. Through you-- the world, of course

Prove it

Just the opposite

What do you mean?Are you out of touch with reality

I hope not

Why

No-- I mean I hope I am

You donít like reality?

If I was in touch with it, Iíd be dead, wouldnít I

Either that or in love

Here is a man in love with realityThis was my home. Now itís-- well, something different

What

I donít know. A wilderness?

Then you must have departed

Yes. I am no longer in residence. Is this my body?

Yes

(Pause)

I suppose, concerning your own body, you are the ultimate authority

Then weíre in trouble

No. Youíre in trouble

You psyched me out

Of course. From the wilderness I get my power

Welcome home

Welcome home!

You win

Welcome home!

I grovel. Here, at home, where grovelling is the only available alternative.Reaching the end of his life-- this white haired gentleman realizes--

what I have done, has been good--

good enough to touch all four corners

of that part of the soul that was touchable,

and because he endured just long enough to do that touching--

and not a moment longer--

his life was, as one is wont to say, complete--

everything cut short, of course,

because different perspectives are available

and while none of them realy work,

these different perspectives, all of them are--

in and of themselves-- hahaha

Just what the doctor ordered,

except--

nobody knows that name of that doctor,

white haired, beautiful,

the one you look at whenever you look

into the real

mirror.

Here it is.

Except-- nothing is here.

Get it? Get it? Get it?

Get it?

Why did I have to wait until I was too old to get it-- to get it!