1)

You may find this interesting

The man of the future has no feelings

This is no loss

He functions, universal contact. Like light

He is rapid, he is dry, like kindling ready to be set on fire

On the outskirst of Paris, Capital of the 19^th century—but now

In another city—

A gas station in the suburbs of Paris.

Automibles and automobile fumes,

Or the huge gas storage tanks, and wire fences.

Oh my God—this grey sky—

Still

Over the occult city of Paris.

Still hovering like a city without a name,

And the bright grey shining city under the grey sky—

This occult city of Paris, sending forth fumes

From automobiles leaving and entering that city.

Oh my God

Mental routes traced like fine wires through

The web of imagines boulevards—

I list, I think, to one side,

Heavy with dream filling the left side of my brain

City

You lure me, though I am lasked to the mast of my so-called real world—

And the ambulance in the distance

Haunts me with ideas

Unable to move

Those ideas

Wounded

From blows delivered by the heart

Which beats only here, in local territory.

-1)

You may indeed find this interesting.

There is a rumor, that in ancient china, there existed a

a medecine, named o-x, which, if taken every day for a year, produced the following remarkable results.

Just once each day, in the twenty-four hour period of its effectiveness, this medecine linked the perceived data of an ordinary, yet specific moment, with universal truth.

In other words, whoever ingested this medecine, lived their life as usual, except-- that for a brief moment each day, something happened in perception that in no way seems unusual or out of the ordinary, but that same , ordinary thing, was in fact a window onto eternal truth, which the one experiencing it, sometimes did and sometimes did not, recognize.

As you can imagine, those who underwent this regime in ancient China, taking this medecine once a day for the course of a year, developed a different relationship to their own lived reality, since they were effectively persuaded that this ancient medecine did produce each day the announced effect, and they found themselves, as might be expected

in a constant state of watchful tension, hopeful of being able to recognize that otherwise unexceptional moment that would be, in fact,

exceptional, in it's sudden and brief connection to eterenal reality.

Here is a man before us now, imagining himself on some level, in far-away china-- known to his few friends, by the name-- Roly Poly-- though not a particularly rotund human being--but here in a particular kind of China, imagining, the having taken of such a miraculous kind of medecine.

Yes. This is Roly Poly

and he is in china

it does not look like china

but Roly poly is in china

Roly Poly in china

1B)

Roly Poly

and Roly Poly thinks-- now that I’m in China, I’d better learn how to use chopsticks

but these are too big for my fingers--

but after a while, as time passes

as you become comfortable with these chopsticks

they will seem to shrink in size, Roly Poly

Trust time, which will do its work on things

trust time, above all

Roly Poly is in china

This means,

somebody definately got off the bus at the wrong moment.

It was passing through a bad neighborhood

but when the door opens

and the sunshine is like a smile-- oh well

do we still trust smiles?

Because once upon a time

smiles could kill

if the face behind the smile as smiling also

because the power of such smiles makes the delerious face disconnect

asnd when such faces disconnect

and the world drowns in such a smile

the world drowns in such delerious smiles

the world drowns, certaiunly, in such delerious smiles

Roly Poly is in China

His agenda is peverse. What is interesting about his agenda

is the peversity of his agenda.

And then you ask-- in what way is his agenda peverse

And the answer is not forthcoming

and then you ask-- why is it true that such peversity is

in and of itself, of such interest

and you are told that to answer this question

is to reveal terrible secrets

that must never be revealed--

though there are some

to whom such sercets may be safely revealed,

but one can never know

in a particular circumstance

if one is surrounded by people

to whom one may reveal such secrets

and this is what Roly Poly does not know

because he is in china

he maintains that he is in china

he is in china

Roly Poly does now truly understand

that he will not be able to save himself

from certain magic words.

Such words occur infrequently

but they have begun happening

such magic words have begun happening

they are never pronounced

but they have begun happening

Roly Poly has come to understand

that inside the mind, there is a second mind

This jeweled container, is the second mind

or a representative

of the second mind

or a substitute

which is demonstrated

by the way it trembles from the silence of invisible thunder.

This container never opens

this container never opens

But here is a second container

bare of decoration

rude, plain

this second container is a representaion

of the original jeweled container.

But this second container

does open

if one is persistent

and clever

and meticulous

and peverse

sufficently peverse

sufficiently peverse

Roly Poly has come to understand

that no one can do without the worship of their own, well--

shall we say-- the secret part of their own mind?

He locates his own mind, and he decides to use it, but most of all--

he decides to use its most secret compartments,

though, because they are secret,

the manner in which he is able to axcess them

is also secret

--but some of the ways to try

do seem to make use of the human body

in place of the human mind--

but rest assured, even so

it is the secret mind at work-- the secret mind.

Experts are certainly confused by Roly-Poly.

Roly Poly is glad to have his mind analysed

because this enables him to have wonderful conversations.

As soon as he says something--

experts look to the side of the room

and see an amazing light against which they must hide their eyes.

But Roly-Poly looks directly into that light,

and as a result

experts are confused

experts are certainly confused

Experts are certainly confused.

They ride mental elevators and discover themselves

moving sideways rather than appropriately up and down.

Are they in china?

Are they in search of greater intensity?

Of course they are.

They turn to strong drinks-- but wait a minute.

What happens then to the loss of life, the threat to equlibrium?

If it could happen in a mental elevator--

it could happen here also,

lifting a glass of strong alcohol to dry lips--

this could explode into something wonderful at any moment --

because-- this is no trick.

Experts are confused, because the peversity of their position is now self evident.

Self evident

To the entire world, this is now self evident

If I went crazy, says Roly Poly

then my problems could be solved

because --take care!

my best ideas are those

that turn against themselves

when clarified.

I trade--

happiness for energy,

entering by the same door

I have walked past several times

without having the courage to enter

but now,

equal to the thing itself

equal to rain that grows dlowers

equal to the postman

messanger without a message

equal to radio waves

invivible in china

equal to smiles, launching a thousand faces

into extremem grimaces of grief and transformed grief

equal to things forgotten

equal to the thing itself.

Ah.

The elusive thing itself

10)

This is my dog, says Roly Poly

But nobody sees his dog

Nobody, nobody sees his dog

Nobody sees his dog

This is my dog, says Roly Poly

Roly Poly and the invisible dog

but nobody sees his invisible dog

nobody, nobody sees his invisible dog

Roly Poly and the invisible dog

nobody sees his invisible dog

11)

Roly Poly looks carefully at the people surrounding him

and he says to the people surrounding him

you do not shine

the light in this room, in china, is so very bright inside this room

that you people,

you do not shine when I look into your eyes.

You are full of memories. and ideas

that help no one.

So I reject you.

It is unfortunate perhaps

but I must reject you

I must reject you

12)

Roly Poly begins to suspect

that the solution, his private solution

is to cut his own life into smaller and smaller pieces’

because if he makes each piece of his own life

small enough

then each piece of his life, because of such tinyness, turns brilliant,

sparkling like a small diamond\

and only when he allows the pieces of his life to grow larger

to begin connecting with each other, larger even, much larger--

only then

does his life take on its usual mediocre aspect

so it’s a question of punctuation.

Roly Poly understands that.

It’s a question of punctuation

Always a question of punctuation

13)

What piece of the world is interesting to Roly Poly?

He never one single piece--

because there is no one piece of the world

that is interesting to Roly Poly.

Only the whole world is interesting to Roly Poly.

Only when everything is included in one experience

that is everything at once

Roly Poly does not know

how to experience every experience

in one experience

but that is the only thing that is interesting to Roly Poly

(pause. music)

14)

This business of giving birth to new ideas

-- painful, very painful inside Roly Poly,

because needless to say, more often than not

these ideas do lurks, stillborn. do not finally emerge

and therefore very painful

here in china, in china

where psychic pressure is applied to Roly Poly

which is painful inside Roly Poly

necessary but painful

very painful

so very, very painful

15)

This effort

to make something elusive

be here in full three dimentional reality--

this is the peverse nature of Roly Poly’s presence

here in china, here in china

here in the full three dimentional reality of what does not really exist

here in china

which is the problem

because Roly Poly says

I have no problem

except the energy inside me, which denies energy.

The form inside me which denies form

--why do such ideas ravish me?

And am I therefore

thrown onto history’s scrap heap?

Is this where Roly Poly is headed?

Thrown

onto history’s scrap heap?

He hopes not

Oh Roly Poly hopes not

he hopes not

16)

Roly Poly asks himself--

If the world becomes totally unrepresentable,

is that me

falling out of the picture?

I don’t think so, I don’t think so

because if I fall out of the picture

I think that means the picture couldn’t hold me

and the fault therefore is as much a fault of the picture

as a fault of my own.

Roly Poly in china

is he falling out of that picture?

Is he falling out of that picture now?

17)

Roly Poly was not visible to himself

inside his own experiences.

This was the cross he bore.

Roly Poly was not visible to himself

inside his own experiences.

____________________________________

One could also say

that the grid upon which

Roly Poly was able to chart his experience

was not his experience

The grid on which Roly Poly

was able to chart his experience

was not his experience

__________________________

One could also say

launching himself into a certain language

Roly Poly immediately realized

the inappropriateness of his choice

(repeat)

Careful, careful, careful, careful

18)

Roly Poly should tell us, of course

that his arogance is misplaced.

He expects to offend

those surrounding him,

though this was far from his original intention--

but let’s see -- who can handle

such a reality

let’s see who can handle this

Roly Poly, arogant in china

Roly Poly

aragont in china

arogant in china

19)

what is the world for Roly Poly

The world is a container, in which light bounces.

The world is a jewel, therefore-- light imprisoned.

But if light were released, it would turn invisible.

and that same light, bounces inside Roly Poly.

It’s called-- thinking. But it isn’t

unless, like roly-poly

you admit that thought is a prison.

And the escape from that prison

the thought that negates itself.

But consider also-- the act

that negates itself

Imagine a thought or an act

that hovers, only

a thought or an act

that makes of itself-- it’s own impossibility

we are not speaking of paradox, you understand

because paradox is something wound tight, like a spring--

hence, an object

and we are talking about something that passes over

into the total deflection that

eliminates the starting poit.

That’s it. A step

that eliminates it’s starting point

why? why a step that eliminates it’s starting point?

Because that’s being outside the prison!

Invisible-- which means, therefore

everything

20)

This is what I need

says Roly Poly

I need YOU

to look at me

I leave looking

to those who do looking

better than I do looking

That’s what I need

says Roly Poly--

that’s why I am in China

to be visible

to be more, more, more visible

21)

I don’t know what kind of movemnts to make

I don’t know what kind of movements to make

(etc)

.22)

Tables don’t move by themselves, says Roly Poly.

Tables. . .

But is it possible

that my life has been wasted,

that my reliance upon my mind

has been misplaced?

But this is a misunderstanding only.

I place no reliance on my mind--

my individual skull

that skull in particular

that the universe has already emptied

Table don’t move by themselves, Roly Poly

Tables don’t move by themselves!

23)

Finally. Roly Poly speaks.

Great duck-- great duck

I have come to you as a last resort--

but ahh, I should have come to you earlier

but Roly Poly ---alas

was shy, great duck--

shy? Shy?

Why shy with me, Roly Poly

why shy with me in china

why shy with me

why shy with me?

23)

The duck that moves Roly Poly to important emotions

by definition:

Emotions, versus duck

The duck icon

the duck material

the duck depth

Oh Roly Poly in china

if a duck enters a chinese delicatessen

that duck is eaten

That duck, perhaps, speaks--

I’d like roast beef sandwiches--

I’d like cream cheeze on toast--

but before ducks eats roast beef

or cream cheese--

or food equally ourishing and desirable

such a duck had best--

self eat.

SELF-EAT

And the connection is--

obviously-- duck as itself--edible

all creatures, ediable

though no creature

eats of its own kind

and certainly no creature

eats itself

except in emergencies

emergencies

(golf)

--is this an emergency for a duck?

Is this an emergency for Roly Poly?

Is this an emergency in china

(golf)

The belief being

a large beak, located below eye level

interferes with the ability to play golf.

But Roly Poly suffers no such interference

In china.

And it is discovered--

(swing)

Missed! Missed again!

One more thing

that makes being a duck

less satisfying than being a human being

In china

24)

Roly Poly tried to remember

that a thing

all things

any thing

a thing-- is more than its boundaries.

always.

be they physical, conceptual, whatever.

A thing

roly poly

reactions to that thing--

and the totality of those reactions

is never knowable.

25)

This chair upon which Roy Poly is now seated

A lft-- not for his body

but for the weight of that body.

If Roly Poly is in china, and he is

if Roly Poly is upon this chair, in china

then

he is weightless

thanks to this chair’s suffering.

All life is like this

and aims for weightlessness.

weightlessness. . .

26)

This is my Dog

This is my real dog

This is my Dog

This is my chinese dog

I am aware of my dog

because this is my chinese dog

This is my chinese dog

This is my dog in china

27)

Believe it

but nothing completes this wall

except when Roly Poly

runs up against this wall

Oh Roly Poly

don’t let you forewhead be a battering ram

A room vibrates, yes

but is that, possibly

because you erase yourself?

Is that why, is that why?

Because you erase yourself, Roly Poly?

28)

Do understand

do understand

Roly Poly’s ability to speak

and his ability to speak well--

this ability is being taken away from him.

Or rather-- no--it is not being taken away from him

rather he, Roly Poly, gives up that ability

voluntarily

This is Roly Poly’s decision

because he would rather

be a vessel

through which something else speaks

that is Roly Poly’s decision

and it is a very difficult decision

very difficult indeed

29)

Ah Roly Poly

you are going to cure us

after all?

Well, Roly Poly puts it this way.

I’m either going to cue you,

or I’m going to send you

running from this room

acreaming and tearing your hair out!

Which? Which?

But then again

maybe I’ll just turn on you

and beat the shit out of you.

Yes, maybe

maybe that!

30)

Oh My God. The agony of the truth

The agony of the truth is that the unproductive moments of Roly Poly

the sterile moments,

are the moments that feed Roly poly,

that justify his existence in fact

that bring to him the kind of irritable frustration

that leads to a slow circlimg around a new idea that

because of his stasis--

has time and space to grow,

not as Roly Poly, but as

idea itself

the idea itself

While his productive moments

produce only

vanity

filling Roly with a vigor

that self-binds only

This is the truth

This is why suffering is unavoidable

31)

Having lost control of his body--

the ideas which fill his mind

which is a part of his body--

are pale but fluid, certainly

so how to exploit this sad fact?

What newness therein

can be made to reveal itself

by some new,

almost effortless stratagy?

And Roly Poly waits

not moving, and nothing comes--

and --is that the pearl?

Nothing comes-- is that the pure

flawless pearl?

See now, the void between Roly Poly’s mental fingers

Ah--

the entire void-of-the-world.

Welcome your highness

and may I

roly poly

serve you now

may I serve you

32)

It is evident by now

Roly Poly has read the book of life

and he who does so

goes in multiple directions

But often there is a pause

or gap,

in such reading.

Life goes on

but is not read,

slides away from one as it were

and if something significant should happen--

no, no cries Roly Poly

--I am mentally ready to record such things!

Ah Roly Poly

that sounds like someone

participating in life on;ly

half way.

33)

Nothing to do. Nothing to do. He just

sits where he sits

Certain things in the course of his life

have engaged him deeply

Now they don’t

Nothing to do

Even in China

Nothing to do

34)

Roly Poly thinks--

this territory has been previously explored

but I no longer recognize it

That’s the problem

someplace inside me

a door

must have been left open

and a green light goes on

over an open door

That means,

terrible and violent things

are happening

behind that door.

Indescribable?

Well, not indescribable

but Roly Poly would have to use words

he may not be willing to use.

What words?

What things?

You don’t want to know

Believe me

You really don’t want to know

35)

This may hurt somebody

but here in china

pain is the way people acquire knowledge

so hurting isn’t what happens

36)

It’s like this:

what Roly Poly no longer experiences

is the utter bafflement

with things that heretofore-drive him.

He is no longer baffled by things--

that’s what Roly Poly has achieved

utter sterily

because

nothing is a mystery in the face of genuine pain

in china

37)

Roly Poly is one of those people

who can control nothing

Life must first-- sieze him

then, his twisting and turning

is both evocative and highly unusual

but if he himself, tries to make things happen--

in contrast, all is banal.

Another way of saying this is to say--

if Roly Poly has plans--

what results from such plans

is less vital

and less interesting

than what results if he

has no plan

and the storm of life simply strands him

in some heretofore

unrecognizable landscape

in china

38)

carpets cover the floor. This is normal

Fet mention the idea of a direction

A vechicle in which one rides, spins, always, into history

Roads less traveled, become colorful. This is normal

Normal people, notice themselves for bizzare reasons.

Normal prople notice themselves, for bizzare reasons

39)

It says-- stupidity is discovereds to hold great promise. Rooms, therefore, are immediately re-decorated.

It says-- the world comes full circle. In order not to be forgotten

Ablackboard is erased, and thereby thinks it re-defines itself-- not realizing somebody else is rubbing it out

A book turnsd it’s own pages. This is normal.

This is normal

40)

Rolly Poly wants something from the people of China

What does he want?

He does not know

Therefore we can predict with confidence.

Roly poly wants a book from which wisdom has been drained.

Because

Roly Poly is rules by emotion only.

Hard to believe

but one can see it on his face

one can see it in the way he holds his body

Roly Poly is presented with a manuscript

from which all wisdom has been drained--

and he asks-- when will I be able to fill this

with my very own emotions--

when I have read this book?

and it is therefore,

returned to a locked cabinate

(tries to open it)

It’s locked.

He didn’t believe it would be locked

but it’s locked

41)

Here’s what happens

A man comes into a room

playing the role of an extraordinary human being

He closes the door of a cabinet, forcefully

before anything real has escaped.

The cabinet closes itself on valuable objects

At the same time, a cloud covers the sun

At the same time

shoes turn to places no shores have explored heretofore

at the same time

a reason to give up hope--

gives up on language itself

because

wisdom hasn’t really worked out

Oh Roly Poly

we bless you for the following reason.

For your stupidity

in wanting to understand,

now

reorganize your mental apparatus, dear Roly Poly

Reorganize your mental apparatus completely

42)

Well

Can an idea, which is thought by no one

be said to exist?

there is an idea for which Roly Poly is searching

and this idea has not yet been thought

so certain opinion holds

this idea does not exist

but the truth is-- it does exist

undiscovered

and it pulls Roly Poly

who knows not its shape

or the direction of its thrust

though it pulls Roly Poly

which changes his life in ways that are still incomphrensible

which is perhaps why

the idea to which he is pointing

is incomprehensible

43)

Thought

has now come to China

Thought is now upside down

facing something imense

and is therefore wiped out.

There are still moments to be filled

but suppose they are not filled

what then?

Everything stops.

That does not mean, however

that death rules.

Roly Poly says that death

is the shadow cast

by the attempt to fill moments

and if moments are not filled, well-- the shadow of death

simply disolves.

That proves it

That proves it for Roly Poly

44)

Admittedly

Roly Poly was late in speaking

Roly Poly wanted to remain in bliss

issuing noises perhaps, but not words

because the fall into speech

means the fall from paradise.

Good and evil, speech making that rupture--

expelled from paradise

carring only the memory, the seed

planted here, in china

which means

non-language, planted in language

so that language can slide

into the opposite realm

in china

45)

I am at the edge of an experience, I think

thinks, Roly Poly--

plunge inside

but why does he still hesitate

because

he doesn’t know if he’s hesitating

or if he is in a very natural position

where moving forward is un-natural

so, should the effort be made?

Let’s say--

At the very edge of experience

he leaps

He could have done that

at the very edge of experience, he withdraws

He could have done that, also

46)

And Roly Poly is drinking in the atmosphere, that’s all

Because all he wants out of life

is a cerian mood

a certain atmosphere.

He wanmts to be in a certain state of mind

but that’s a mistake, Roly Poly

because moods are like clouds

They drift

You supply the missing word.

But Roly Poly can’t supply the missing word

because after all this timer

he still doesn’t speak chinese

he doesn’t speak a single word

in the entire chinese language

47)

Because Roly Poly had no coherent policy for life

he suffered.

But life didn’t suffer.

Life’s purposes were served, exactly

which should have made Roly Poly feel much better

but it didn’t make him feel better

and life’s purposes were served by that also.

It was then that his language began to deteriorate

and it wasn’t life that worriewd about this

but language worried about this

And the next thing that should have been said

was never said

and several independent observers

thought to themselves

“Who’s talking?”

but there was no answer of course,

because the persons asking the questions,

were interfering, by their very asking

with the possibility of an answer

and there was no answer

because every available space

was now fiulled

in china

still in china

48)

Just suppose, that it is, finally, like it is.

Just suppose there is nothing but pure eventfulness

No further scheme of things

and further suppose

that events themselves

are predicated in a system called BRAIN

so that the eventr

the real fact

vanishes into quite artificial interpretation.

That is to say

translated into the terms

of a value system

that are never quite, invented,

like fairy tales are invented

but in eventfulness, raw

inside the blind spot of the mental eye.

So to plunge there

grasping for no life preserver

is to be truly fed

and the hunger is

un-noticable often

but insatiable

and insatiable humger

49)

You tell us, Roly Poly

what’s it like

What’s it like

here in China

where self information doesn’t really surface

elusive

like something hidden

like-- we can’t see your real face, Roly Poly

we can’t see your real expression

because our experience is

that your real expression is hiding from us

in this room, always in this room

always in china

what’s it like

hiddenness

what’s hiddenness really like

what’s it like to be hidden

50)

It’s not so hard to understand, really

All it means, is that the things Roly Poly wanted to say

are going back into the head,

that’s why the words come pouring out

because when we reach the end of that

we really reach the end

What flashes then?

In a kind of cloudless sky?

51)

Here is the truth of the matter

So long ago, when young

Roly Poly located himself

at the mouth of this verbal flow.

He tried to flood the world-

and he recognized the source was inexhaustable

But then it was exhausted, only he Roly Poly

had not the sheer courage

to feel better in his emptiness--

or was it slightly different?

that he wasn’t self-locatable

in the emptiness which was elsewhere

-- Roly Poly being separated from that

by a kind of mental space--?

Ah well

who would understand Roly Pole

even if he could speak

so instead

he dreamed a magic object

until somebody in the back of his head

rises and says

I understand you, Roly Poly

I underatdn where you’re headed

so aim carefully, Roly Poly

and someone else will come to your rescue.

Someone else will turn that perfect aim

into a vague trajectory that wobbles,

so fast -- it wobbles with light trembling

and look-- it’s the way out

for both of us

for all of us

52)

The creative explosion

started in this very room, here

and Roly Poly didn’t control it, of course

--it simply happened

that his life, twisted.

Nothing on the surface changed

But as a matter of fact, nothing on the interious

changed also--

Roly Poly had no profound illumination.

Therefore

nothing changed.

Except-- everything

slightly

depending on the scale

upon which one choses to graph such things

so nothing has to change

even if it changes

53)

Assume this, cries Roly

assume this--

at all moments

experience is trying to reach me

as the representative of something else.

Not the event as a thing of weight

but something else

--event comes as local atmosphere, but WHY

what secret resides in such atmosphere

which is only local

the effect only, of light mixed with temperature

and vista, and archetectural articulation of space

in which air and light

are mixed to varing degrees

with particles of dense matter.

But I want to say something about life

which will really

BE something about LIFE.

But why

Why does he want to do this,

because Roly Poly can lie about the world

or Roly Poly can tell the truth about the world

But Roly Poly will never know

which of those two possibilities

he is truly-- engaging.

This is something he will never know

So why does he want to do such a thing--

why not let life be as life is, lifelike

in and of itself-- or is it?

Lifelike, if Roly Poly never saying something about it

that is life-like

or a lie

in addition to life

like a very real part of life

both before and after it could possibly happen to be true.

54)

Roly Poly thinks about his life.

He imagines talking to himself from a mirror

Is it possible, he asks

that you are going to approach me--

some time in the future-- with the words

“why were you not

emotionally forthcoming?

It is not happening, now

that I am here, asking these things

But here I am.

Pleading ignorance, making an effort

that ends up

in a direction I didn’t have in mind,

so please

any mistake that seems important to me

is probably no mistake.

And yet, and yet

things fall apart when I touch them.

So-- why not the appropriate cry of pain?

Why Not! Indeed why not?

55)

Look, Roly Poly--

there is honey on your lips--

lick them, lick them.

and now speak

don’t be afraid to speak

. Don’t be afraid to speak

simply because the words you have chosen

play inside a volcano.

When those words bite--

bite back--

suffer the tongue, longing for sweetness

to cause trouble--

to reshape things

to devour things

so the real world is not eaten

but only

substitue words are eaten, like eating fire

from the most terrible volcano of all,

lick at that volcano

in china

only in china

56)

OK,

all this material

is pouring into the arena of life

and here is Roly Poly as a kind of focus

organizing it at least

in a certain way.

But before Roly Poly was here

in China

this material was still pouring

from one place to another place

only Roly Poly wasn’t here, really

to organize things in his imagination

so what was it like, really

--before Roly Poly was here

to organize things

with his mental apparatus.

What was it like,

how was it different,

before

Roly Poly himself,

before Roly Poly was alive,

what slight adjustment

in the scheme of things,

with no Roly Poly

57)

These are Roly Poly’s words.

The closer the sky comes-- the less it exists.

In a reverse sense--

to distance Roly Poly from his habitat

turns it into a thing of dreams.

Therefore,

the evident relation

between distance and dreams.

Yes.

Whenever Roly Poly touches the truth,

it’s because he is going in a circle.

Self, truth, self.

And yet.

The image of a circle

suggestingas it does, the human head--

that image is what impresses upon us

the dangerous illusion

of inside versus outside.

But if one continues forward in a circle,

back to the starting point--

self-truth-self--that as truth--

yes

but the moment one conceptualizes it as a circle--

that circle--

illusion.

what does this demonstrate?

He thinks again,

when it storms

Roly Poly is some not-participating element.

But when it is mild

with a bright sun--

Roly Poly feels whole.

what does this demonstrate?

Roly Poly looks into the lamp light.

If the lamp is taken out of the room

there is no more light.

But he can REMEMBER seeing the lamp.

He can REMEMBER the light.

at the same time his open eyes, now see darkness.

But when he closes those eyes--

can he remember darkness?

Because, eyes closed, he is SEEING darkness--

so how can he know if he is remembering it or seeing it?

This must be, thinks Roly Poly

a very special state indeed.

Trying to remember darkness

with one’s eyes closed.

So suppose, just suppose

that Roly Poly tries to REMEMBER being alive

at the same time that he is, of course, alive.

Or suppose Roly Poly tried to remember--

TRYING TO REMEMBER.

Ah, says Roly Poly

the time table of the present is always erased.

No departrures, no arrivals

yet one is still, always,

where one was not, previously,

and will be next.

So this proves, thinks Roly Poly--

that to erase is more primary

than to register

so with each new word

simply erase the others that surround it

in china

where the word “light” for instance

can be used to erase all other words,

and if Roly Poly says

--my God, I’m thirsty.

and then the word “LIGHT”

and the word light does not erase his thirst

but illuminates a quality of himself

and his thirst and it makes Roly Poly orbit himself

and discover the circle like

range of his sensations

and he is in China,

stable in china

which is no place at all

for more than a brief, brief, moment.

58)

Oh Roly Poly

Now you know

that a word echos your expectations

but you still cannot isolate that word

you still cannot pull it foward

into your consciousness

because that word is only being spoken,

somewhere

behind your head

in a region of blankness

you never even experience as blankness

because you do not experience it.

(open to face)

And you reach forward--

to make contact with a terrible painted face

that grimaces

on the wall, opposite from where you sit--

but how are you able to cover such a relatively major distance

with a mere thrust of the hand towards your own

invisible face?

Now I understand

how you stitch together

a tissue of exageration to come up with

something real.

There you manifest finally,

prancing in your own beautiful space,

a hole in nothering--

that’s where the wind blows, now I know what to name it--

wind, hurricane, tornado,

and whenever you name something--

it disappears in the depths of some

unfathomable

CHINA!

59)

Here’s the story

Roly Poly leads us into the last room but one,

opens a door

--we look through the door

without entering,

afraid to follow the lead of this

man who lived

someplace OTHER than in his head.

This frightened educational fanatic

who lapsed, lapsed,

after he reached for what he

really desired. . .

because the opportunity

actually sets one on fire

and now that one is burning, one burns

and if one burns

changing course is out of the question for the moment!

(Some places, you understand

are portals. doors.

This is such a place

a space-- what happens here

is concecrated. It is no longer china

it opens)

60)

Now that he has come to the end of his experience,

Roly Poly asks himself

Now that I have come to the end of my experience

which is unsatisfactory

with no end in sight

and yet--

make that very fact

no end in sight,

an end

and an end, that is satisfactory as an end--

fulfilling

in it’s very experience of being not- fullfilling

(Pause)

Who can deal with this

(record on, more, stagger fall)

61)

Roly Poly.

The man who tries to be brief

but is never brief enough.

Roly Polyy.

Whenever he develops an idea

it changes.

Each impulse

Roly Poly--

matures-- which means

that everything else in the world

into which that impulse is planted by speech

corrupts it.

But this is what MUST happen to Roly Poly

This corruption,

because the alternative would be that nothing manifests--

and to be here

to discuss this obligation to manifest

and the purity of such self-manifestatitowartds which Roly Poly feels--

thanks to an equally unavoidable rigor--

to be launched here, now,

in that very pure way that must necessarily

fall corrupt by that

very self same necessarily courrpted stuff--

--out of which an entire world is constituted--

Ah, for this reason--

the object you see

which is revolving

here in china

at the center

of Roly Ploy’s particular universe.

--He keeps his back to this object

as much as possible.

Is this fear?

Yes, this is fear.

This is Roly Poly’s deep respect

for reality.

For reality itself.

For the reality he does not see

the reality, still pure

uncorrupted.

Pure

62)

Tomorrow of course, more of this will happen

Roly Poly won’t see it happening

he might be on a voyage

He might travel

far from china

into space itself

because there is no atmosphere in space

Because

moods of light

clouds

mist

different atmospheric conditions that create

different ambience--

this does not exist in space

into which Roly Poly now

dreams of moving.

Because Roly poly arises

perhaps, co-incidentally only

with a certain kind of articulation

of light and water--

which are building blocks of atmosphere--

even dust, perhaps

which is earth

to which -- dust ti dust--

even fire, which is smoke--

which are the elements which have always numbered

four-- Roly Poly--

but consciousness, perhaps--

Roly Poly’s consciousness--

twin of that atmosphere, that mood

our of which Roly Poly rises

63)

Ready to leave, noiw

Here is a list of potential items

which Roly Poly will remember.

Crown

drum

hand

blindfold

knife

Does this mean that Roly Poly favors

physical objects over people?

Well--

this is what it means

to the extend that Roly Poly favors

not people

but what is inside people.

Because those potent physical objects that he choses

perform excevations

inside people.

A brass trumpet

to express the “oh” inside people

in a way that would shake things

to their very foundations

an Roly Poly would like to be turned, inside out

by such an “Oh”

--A lust for something he may not be able to handle

--but he lusts for that.

He lusts for it

64)

No more questions?

No questions?

A crown

large hands

stabbing oneself with a knife

blindfolded

black cape

eyeglasses

wings

large wings!

65)

The minute one speaks

one goes off the track, remember

But writing is different

writing is better

because speaking inevitably produces in the voice

inflections which cheapen

and vulgurize

and limit the resonance of things

which written

is closer to the unsayable

which by definition

remains the unsaid.

So. Never speak

Is that agreed upon? There will be no speaking.

66)

And so-- All Roly Poly’s sentences got used up.

And so: -- begin again from the beginning.

Locate oneself inside the available mirror

But remember

Looking into a mirror is really, like opening a window.

So imagine a room , closed off from the real world, where a certain kind of light pours in when a window is opened.

But the quality of that light implies a quality of light in the land beyond the room. Full of mirrors. A faceted landscape. So activity multiplies, and light multiplies.

And facial expressions, smiles and gestures, all multiple.

And a child, Roly Poly, sits at a desk in front of a blackboard. And something is written rapidly on the blackboard and Roly Poly copies, mirrors, what is written: but copies slowly.

While the streets outside, curl under the multiple reflections, and somehow the blackboard in front of the child speaks of these streets.

And the child Roly Poly copies something, but not that-- not that of which the blackboard itself speaks as it is written upon-- that is not something the child is taught to copy.

And so, when the child matures, there is something lost to the child. And a window is opened, and the light pours through, but the child-- adult now-- Roly Poly, is shaken in memory, without being able to know what it is that produces that profound yet elusive impression.

And the child's life, the adult's life, is a longing that is never answerable. And the beauty of life seems, accidental and unstable.

And the life to be lived, is lived, like a task. And the task is done, and a window is closed, a mirror, turned to the wall, and the room itself wobbles, and forever, is truly . . .lost.

holy moly pg.75