"I wonna talk to you" in Sibila (2013)
Poetry" from 99 Poets/1999
Few Statements on Politics and Power in Culture"from Chain
I [via archive.org]; mirror copy below.
from Belgrade" (1999) -- emails written to
Charles Bernstein during the US bombing of Beograd (from Chain,
7) [via archive.org]; mirror copy below. and in Jacket 2 Reissues
of Close Listening: Poetry and the Performed Word (from
Slobdon Tisma, translation and commentary
Vasko Popa, commentary
die paradoks slika se
izmiljam jedem zurim
isto je isto uvek i sad
je ostatak na stolu
majka i otac posle je isto
da se deava slučajno
iz istog htenja hitac hita hitro ka
sam zatvorila vrata
vatra je voda posle onog to sledi se.
uvela uginula krtica krtičnjak
jedne se u jednu mnotvo tako
je ovde iz semena (stvari) stvar je u umu
se sui i slama
je samo samo u sumnji
isto je bilo u praznoj sobi
izgovori imena imena
i dajem sebe imenu ne nagovetavajući sebe u
rečima slova imena su sebe dala za ime
mene imena u tebi izgovara.
svakog dana sledi dan iznutra
izokrenut na terasi između
jednom se desilo ali ne ponovo kada je
izokrenut posle svakog dana je.
postavljaj pitanje u zagradama između
niza drveća /drvored/ u zamornom ritmu
monotono nizanje niz brdo ali samo zato
da se vidi niz kao odraz elje i htenja kao
kruno kretanje rečenice iza i ispred je i
jeste zato to tako se nastavlja
reč na reč naslanja u značenju i simbolično
isti proces je uvek samo naglasak
pomeren s one strane iza ili ispred
iznad ili ispod isto je.
paradox drowns itself
imagines eats stares
same always and now
is whats left on table
and father laters same
its happening haphazardly
want hurtling at
on fire later freezes itself
a wish -- fear of flower
faded mole moldering
a one to ones multitude
from semen (things) thing in mind
wish dries, breaks
is only lonely in doubt
in empty room
spit out names names
myself to names not apparently in
names letters gave for names
in you spit out.
every day follows the day inside
on floors between doors upsidedown
but not again when its
later everyday is
ask questions in brackets among
trees /among rows of trees/ in tedious rhythm
queries down the hill but only
rows like the reflection of wish and want like
in circles a sentence behind and in front is and
word leans in meaning and symbolically
from that side behind or in front
or below the same is.
Translated from Serbo-Croatian by Charles Bernstein & Dubrvka
metričke eme, poglede lenje
Logika rasta i smrti
Zvonki zvonici proplanka se rue
Zora mora se obruava u more i u more
Mrnja plamti, osvetljava lavirint kaveza
Sveza glatka u čvoru proreza
Seci prizme, svuci svice, svete osvete sveti
Sumanuto mrmori more
razgovor zgodan, zavodljiv
Nizovi, noevi, vrata, vrteke
Venac smrti koloplet
Visovi vise, ale zavaljene u otrovne spletke
Grobnice groblja ivota
Zamci zameci ljubavi
Sruene kule krhke
kamen - pramen
plamen - amen
spletke koloplet pletu
usmrćene padaju reči u grobnice ive
Trome babaroge, vedre visibake
priziva svet, manje lep,
vie slep, razapet
Razapni raspone, iva tkiva
mora, reka, krova preka
Rovovi, korovi, krovovi
Rebra, srebra, saća, sačme, sume
Brige, bitke, bistrog vida
Vida i Vid ponovo vide
potkradaju očeve, čajeve, čase
Dunici bezočni sakate skute i kute
krilate rosne ruse kose
Klovnovi pale i are
a sloboda u hadu se smeje
HA HA HA HA HA
Vode se borbe između reči
Reči na slobodi podleu merama novim
kriom are i pale skelete ludosti
ludila lomna u krhotine razbijaju
umotani u bele smetove
penjemo se proplankom
palimo snegove i bele bregove
oni se otapaju i plave
grena čeda jednog pera
pokoru, pokaj se
Pročisti se u belom plamenu vejavice
Spali lice-sliku jastva
sve je belo
boli sve izgoni
pali zgarita misli
plavi elje, pali mene
u zgarite pretvara telo i tlo
Tri put se pomolim
gutaju propuste, promrzle prste
zvuci, budnici zvona
dvopolnog, tropolnog jezika
zapisi bezvučja eterom lebde
se na prste da bismo osmotrili vidik
pijan, tajnovit, nasilan
Sila ovog koda
ograničenja, norme, dogme
koljke, krljut, koa
sam od tvog tela
sva sam smela
jer sam svela
svo znanje na zabran
sav zabran na tok
koji teče iznad zore
iznad mora i ponora
iznad vida nedovida
mračnog hora iz ponora
zvezdanog pakla jezika-zbora
je telo zvezda, gorja, dola
telo smrti u snu pesme
tesne međe, testo tela
oblikom ga smernim smera
ka beskraju nedogleda
ka glosama glasomornim
i zorama zornim
Zlatnih toka i protoka
Glasovi se ne glase
treptaj usidren u luci iluzija
munje, mačevi, bodei
krvavu pesmu krika
reči , pomor rima, pomor ritma
reči , ruim rime, ruim ritme
Gorostasne, divlje, podivljale
Skupljam prizme isklizle
sam tvoj o, Reči
pusti krv da poteče
i odnese bolest besa
reči ca lako nabuja u potok
pakla, polja mraka
Lave, liaji, pedalizirani
pokreti, kordoni ukleti,
svedeni na sudbu
usud i tmina
i strani sud
smehom ih dočekuje
spaljene, bezdune, koračaju
dunici ste usuda
of embers, poet of veil
metric devices, lazy sights
Logic of growth and close
Tolling hill-spires topple
Sunrise at sea, twilight of nightmares
Hatred flares, lightning the maze of cages
Smooth bond in knot of split
prism, strip the firefly, sacred vengeance revenged
Madly murmurs the sea
conversation pretty, seductive
Lines, knives, doors, merry-go-rounds
Wreathes of death, ring around the rosy
Heights hang, jokes thrown down in poison intrigues
Graves - graveyards of lives
Castle - germs of love
Smashed fragile towers
Stamen - haven
flaming - amen
intrigues knit the chain
opponent-slogans alive into graves
Sluggish witches, merry snowdrops
make the world less nice
fructify, vivider divots
of homes, of rivers and angry roofs
Rubber, lubber, bullets, nuggets, druggist
Stares, flights of clear glare
Vid and Vida can see again
Yoke of sultriness
Veils of malice
Enemies ingenuous fathers, dresses, glasses
Debtors of limbs mangle laps and kneecaps
tearing their dewy hairs
Clowns rise and glow
and liberty from Hades laughs
HA HA HA HA HA
Fights between words narrate
"Words in freedom" submit to new meters
secretly burn 'n' turn skeleton's lunacy
fragile madness in crops broke
for the line
of "new epics"
wrapped up in white drifts
we climb the glade
burning snows and white hills
they thaw and flood
sinned infant of a quill
penitence, be penitant
Purify yourself in the white flame of the snowstorm
Burn the face, picture of the self
white, everything is white"
pain exiles thought
Burn burnt place of thoughts
flood the wishes, burning
into burnt place transmutes body and ground
times I turn around
Three times I pray
put down its hats
swallow failures, frozen fingers
golden coins of dawn
sounds, waker of gongs
splits of throne
of bipolar, three-polar language
notations of soundlessness flow in ether
on our tip-toes to see the prospect
drunken, secret, severe
Power of this code
boundaries, norms, dogmas
shells, scale, skin
am a cupola of your body
I am all
I am all daring
since I reduce
all knowledge to taboo
all forbidden to flow
which flows above the dawn
above the sea and abyss
above glare of the invisible
darkened chorus out of abyss
of starry hell of language-gathering
is the body of stars, woods, vales
body of death in dream of a poem
shallow borders, dough of body
by modest shape it is intended
toward the infinity of unseen
toward horrible sound of glosses
and clear dawns
Towers of bodies
Cone of pens
Of golden coins and flowers
Tides of pain
Voices do not voice
anchored in harbor of collusion
lightning, sabers, blades
hush the necklace
fasten the leech
bloody poem of plea
sings a song
words, swept rhymes, swept rhythms
words, I destroy rhymes, I destroy rhythms
gigantic, wild, stray
the all-observing eye
I collect prisms slipped
I beat meters-vagabonds
I am your
servant, Oh, Word
Let the blood bleed
and take off the sickness of fury
little river floods into sentences
talk - took
of hell, fields of darkness
Steeples-skeletons of death
Lava, lichen, ludicrous
Shapes-shades are mounted on the ground
The cursed cordons cut out
deduced to a destiny
fate and darkness
and day of judgment
welcome them with laughing
burned up, heartless, soul keepers'
you are the debtors of fate
messengers of judgments
to the simple death!
from Serbo-Croatian by James Sherry and the author
by Djurić, in
English on the web:
Juliana Spahr with Djurić,
born in 1961 in Dubrovnik, Croatia, and lives in Belgrade, Serbia.
She writes poetry and essays, and is engaged in performance.
She has published several collections of poems including The
Nature of the Moon, the Nature of the Woman (1989), Traps (1995), Cosmopolitan
Alphabet (1995). She is an editor of ProFemina and
lectures at the Center for Women's Studies in Belgrade. In addition,
Djuric is an active translator of American poetry.With Misko
Suvokovic, she is editor of Impossible
Histories Impossible Histories: Historic Avant-Gardes, Neo-Avant-Gardes,
and Post-Avant-Gardes in Yugoslavia, 1918-1991 from MIT
Archive copies of Djuric's CHAIN publication
from Chain 1: Gender and Editing
A Few Statements on Politics and Power in Culture
1. Co-editing Mental Space, a
magazine for alternative arts in the late communist society of Yugoslavia in
the eighties, meant co-editing an organ of a very special global approach to
the arts. Discussions by artists, members of the Community for Space
Investigation who were at the same time theoreticians, tended to speak about
global approaches. Visual art was the central domain but the approach also
included other interests as represented by this chart:
2. Editing, writing poetry, writing
criticism, and translating are different modes of the same
3. Poetical choices determine the
politics and the economics of editing, writing, and translating. Poetical and
political familiarity is presumed. Editorial and writing practice imply
political choice. Power in culture is in direct relation to power in politics.
In a post-communist society as well as in a communist one, every aspect of a
person’s life, private and public equally, is marked with politics.
(Similarly, periods of establishing communism and periods where it is in
crisis, or of its end, are similar because of the same amount of chaos and
violence—especially in some parts of x-Yugoslavia and x-USSR). There is no
space to work except in the space of the political. On the one hand there is
the political establishment and writers/editors who are the protagonists of
dominant poetical and cultural trends (the glorification of the patriarchal
and the mythic consciousness; in art national-realism is the dominant style
with new real-socialism as critique of communist society). On the one hand,
there are those who are against the political establishment, who are for civil
options and values (international values against local values). In both cases,
working with culture implies explicitly working in politics. There is no way
to work in the field of culture without working in the space of politics.
Today, the major figures on both sides (official and oppositional) are mostly
the same people who were, in communism, representatives of communist ideology
and politics. The same people are still in the game of distribution of
political and cultural powers. They were major figures in communist society
and they are still major figures now. The question is how cultural models
reproduce themselves and how they change in new circumstances when the major
protagonists of both culture and politics are mainly the same people? And
where is there a place for those who have an explicit political attitude, but
do not want to manipulate and instrumentalize their political beliefs and
functionalize them in order to get more cultural power?
4. In the patriarchal society in which I
live, there are very few women editors. There are also few women critics. But
some of the best poets are women. Women poets often do not like their work to
be called feminist—feminist in patriarchal society means marginal and without
value. As a critic I use methods of feminist discourse to interpret mainly
women’s writing. I do this so as to examine how poetic discourse (written by
women or by men) questions dominant patriarchal models of the culture—does it
parody it, destroy it or show its mechanisms, or, on the contrary, does it
conform it. My (liberal) male colleagues back up this method; they find it
amusing (!) I suppose. The model of poetic discourse reveals the broader model
of ideology and with these criteria I want to see what the model of the
ideology of poetic discourse represents (i.e. in the end, what political
values does it represent: does it glorify war or not; does it embody
patriarchal values or not; does it examine the status and function of the
woman and man in society or not?).
5. In post-communist society, which shows
an unambiguous tendency towards the totalitarian model of life, writing and
editing should have the goal of protecting the necessity of pluralism,
multiculturalism, and difference in life and culture.
Dubravka Djuric co-edited
issues number three and four of Mental Space, an alternative magazine for
from Chain 7
Letters from Belgrad
I have assembled here the email letters sent to me by Dubravka
Djuric during the NATO war against Yugoslavia. Editorial interventions
have been kept to the minimum and I have generally not corrected
the grammar, letting Djurics words come across as they did
in her letters. Djuric has approved the final text. My own reaction
to these letters is best expressed in a talk piece I did at the
Whitney Museum of American Art at Philip Morris on April 8, which
was entitled, Talk to Me: Dialogue in/and/as/or Improvisation.
A RealVideo presentation of this performance is at the EPC (http://epc.buffalo.edu/authors/bernstein).
Both Dubravka Djuric and her husband Misko Suvakovic contributed
to the issue of boundary 2 that I edited, 99 Poets/1999: An International
Poetics Symposium. I visited them in Belgrade in a trip I made
there in the spring of 1991. And they were both Poetics Program
Fellows at the University at Buffalo in the spring of 1994. Charles
Bernstein, August 1999
24 Mar 1999
want to thank you and susan for being in touch with us for all these
years. sorry if my e-mail messages were strange or bitter
sometimes, but in this circumstances you could only isolate yourself
from everyday reality, in the extent it is possible. i fight to
be in touch with some of you, reading, writing and translating your
texts and poetry, trying to save my mind.
i will write again in some point.
25 Mar 1999
e-mail still works, hope it will remain that way. and phones, also.
this is a report on my yesterday morning. i went to downtown. much
less people in the street than usual. nobody speaks. i could feel
fear in the air. it was like a damned town. friends call from time
to time. speak about getting food for more days, some worry about
children who are hiding from the army, or who would like to escape,
because it is not easy to be stranger in another country. total
panic. i went to nuns (independent journalist association, where
ProFemina is), met the friend who said vernan matic, editor-in-chief,
b 92 is arrested. then went to super market in the downtown, crowded
with people. i start buying. no one said anything, but you could
feel and see on faces fear.
we heard detonation, that was very close. sirens. watch tv, listen
to radio. b 92 doesnt work (usually most information is heard
there). before 9 they spoke about aggression to yugoslavia.
about 10 past 11 went to bed. in night heard 3 times sirens.
knows how it will end. i just woke up. and will go to hear news,
then probably to downtown.
for care and love,
will be interesting how things will evolve inside . . .
Thu, 25 Mar 1999
going to bed. whole town is in darkness, we hear detonation around.
hope everything be ok in the end.
thanks for your care.
dubravaka and misko
Sat, 27 Mar 1999
is a chronology of the events for all friends that email us. if
you find it interesting, put it on [the Poetics] list, but please,
dont forward to me negative reactions.
monday: i was in the center of the city seeing some friends. people
already start talking about bombing. i heard comment we will
be occupied as macedonia, bosnia and croatia. didnt
comment on it. i stop commenting because it doesnt have any
sense. we all think what we want to think.
all day spent in front of tv, reading newspapers and was nervous
decided do go to visit some friends who work at newspapers and to
give them new issue of profemina magazine that appeared few days
earlier. on my way to the center first impression was that town
had very few people on streets, which is unusual. belgrade is full
of people especially because so many refugees have become its citizens,
you could hardly walk through streets full of people and crowded
with cars. my friends kept talking about bombing, about buying enough
food. again on streets, i could feel fear in the air. belgrade was
city of ghosts. went to NUNS (office of independent journalist association,
also Pro Femina is there) met friend who told me about veran matic
(b 92 is publisher of ProFemina). all around I could feel fear.
in the evening sirens. we could hear a few detonations. spent some
time behind tv, but not much information till 21 hours, then some
confused things. during the night sirens, but we continued to sleep.
went to downtown. few people on the street. went to buy food twice.
supermarket was full of people who buy food and didnt comment
anything. you could feel fear on their faces. at night we were in
darkness. few detonations near my husbands and my place. then
we went to bed.
went to downtown. more people on streets, more cars. the atmosphere
calmed. people walked. went to NUNS to pick up some books. met friends
who spoke about what might happen. at quarter past 4 heard sirens.
jumped into the bus. look to the people on the street who just continued
to walk normally, back home. all afternoon was on line with misko
replying to friends from slovenia, croatia, usa that we are ok.
friends from belgrade and novi sad called and we called them. words
of courage, and deep worrying. people are scared how long this could
last, what could happen. the experience is that all our lives are
in danger. and i think about people, many of them our friends and
close relatives, in croatia and bosnia during the war . . . forwarded
a message from friends written by belgrade feminist peace activist
lepa mladjenovic. went to bed around 22. i couldnt sleep,
and suddenly detonations. we all went downstairs, whole city was
in darkness. heard detonations for about 20 minutes, somewhere relatively
near us. scared. spent few minutes outside in yard. but didnt
see anything. around 4 in the morning another siren, one detonation.
continued to sleep.
all friends who are continually in contact by e mail with us!
Wed, 31 Mar 1999
days of music in the downtown, against nato. very strange atmosphere.
i will try to write more for the list. my e mail is via b 92, and
it seems people are encouraged to communicate by email, so in the
evening and in night couldnt get connection.
seems they will go to the end . . .
Wed, 31 Mar 1999
was written more than a half a year ago, but never emailed
WAR, POETRY, POSTCOMMUNISM
Being for a while silent reader of the list, I am encouraged to
sound myself with some information, that could be at least interesting
to all of you
From the beginning of the war in former yugoslavia, the activities
of different feminist groups in the sphere of politics and culture
in belgrade is noticeable. that which connects these groups was
and still is antiwar activities. From the protests of the women
in black, known worldwide, who from the very beginning protested
against the war on the belgrade streets; to the center for women,
which worked with victims of violence and war; to the belgrade center
for womens study, which organized a parallel teaching system
based on different feminist theories, and whose lecturers also protested
against war, teaching about former yugoslav women writers, teaching
tolerance, praising multiethnicity, etc. Feminist groups from the
former yugoslavia never broke their connections and met whenever
it was possible in different parts of the former country.
The only [feminist] magazine which was not the product of feminist
groups is ProFemina, published by independent radio B92. ProFemina
maintains a strong connection with feminist groups while also having
an impact on mainstream literary culture. The politics of the magazine
have always been against the dominant literary trend, which was
and still is dominated by nationalism and mythology. From the end
of 1994 till today ProFemina published authors from different parts
of former Yugoslavia (Slovenia, Croatia, Macedonia, and Bosnia and
Herecegovina), and published some critical text about some mainstream
and prize-winning authors such as Svetlana Velmar Jankovic and Milorad
Pavic, mostly by Svetlana Slapsak, editor-in-chief.
Metaphorically, it is a kind of joke played by destiny
that some parts of an open communist state such was yugoslavia became
closed societies, at the time when most closed communist societies
became open, or are in the process that leads towards an open society.
If I consider poetry scene in Serbia, I could say that from the
mid-eighties with the wave of retrograde postmodernism, the dominant
poetic model was the one that returns to the traditional forms,
and important, universal themes. It is interesting
that the most critical, socially engaged poetry is written by women,
except a few male poets. And speaking about the form of the poetry,
most women of my generation (born around 1960) write urban poetry,
that is not infected by dominant models of the culture.
(Some people describe the war in former yugoslavia as war between
the urban and rural population.)
For 4 days in the center of belgrade there are concerts against
nato bombing. Homogenization of the society is total, it could be
said [that this is] almost [the] ideal situation. the process started
12 years ago, and it seems that its culmination for us in serbia
is right now. The crisis in former yugoslavia started about 10 years
ago in kosovo. i wonder if it ended there?
people try to leave the country.
Thu, 1 Apr 1999
yesterday i send a message to the list, but i think it is not
anymore wise if it appeared there. is it possible to stop it?
March 31 posting was sent out to the list.]
Thu, 1 Apr 1999
you heard, the bridge in front of novi sad is bombed . . . it is
crazy and horrible.
Fri, 2 Apr 1999
charles, in question is quiet big inside pressure, control, and
censorship, as well as court in war condition . . .
Mon, 5 Apr 1999 [automated reply]
mail to an opennet.org or b92.net email address cannot be delivered
at this time. After a takeover of the B92 premises in Belgrade,
the Serbian authorities have shut down the machines serving these
Please check the pages of the Amsterdam based Help B92
support campaign at http://helpb92.xs4all.nl for news. We advise
that you dont send anything to any opennet.org or b92.net
address without checking the current status of the domains.
Mon, 5 Apr 1999
charles, hope you got my last 3 messages, from an old e-mail account.
ProFemina doesnt have publisher anymore. hope something will
be resolved when all this horror stops. we are good, but sick of
the situation. some days go to downtown, now when there are concerts
against nato bombs, there are so much people in the area.
are, on the other hand, used to the situation. i cannot do anything,
watch tv, and listen to the radio, but information goes in and out
of my earsjust to make time pass more quickly. in the nights
we hear detonations (last night heard them 4 times, but just comment,
something like to hell, and continued to sleep).
i got two roof books, perelmans and robinsonstravelled
from february. they are so nice!
i will see how the situation will evolve, and in some moment will
ask you to put me again as a listmember.
to you, susan, emma, and felix
dubravka and misko
Wed, 7 Apr 1999
charles, i got your message, but when i opened it, there was nothing
inside. some error, i suppose. could you send it again.
wait for the end of all this. hope it will be soon.
Fri, 9 Apr 1999
charles, nothing again in your email massage.
situation here seems worst. too long-lasting, and horribly uncertain
when and how it will end.
there is some good news. miskos new book appeared in novi
sad, and after 10 days it reached him. beautiful book,dictionary
of modern and postmodern art and theory after 1950. you could
never tell it appeared in these circumstances.
the evening we wait for sirens, it seems strange when
there are no sirens. then turn off the lights, watch tv a little,
then go to listen to the different radio programs and enter email.
write letters and read letters. then go to sleep with question when
some explosion will be heard, strange when it doesnt happen.
then in the morning around 7 or 8, the sirens that signal the end
of danger, we wake up. this becomes normal condition.
is so much information, that everything seems confused, and there
is fear how and when this horrible situation will end.
three days could only translate for couple of hours, which is good
in this circumstances.
to receive your message and that mine will reach you
Tue, 13 Apr 1999
managed to read your last message. and the other also.
was your performance the other day? thanks for mentioning us.
things, as you know, go to the very extreme. things happen in the
air, and in the ground.
night was one of the worst, at least in this part of belgrade. heard
two times very strong detonations, and the other one was with strong
explosion, and later felt smoke in the air.
perception is totally changed. every sound seems as worrying as
sirens or bombs. half of the night we were awake. when you lay in
bed, waiting for when the bombing will start, then jump, and go
downstairs, watch tv, or listen to the radio for some information.
then again go to bed. every sound seems like bomb, or it seems that
windows and doors are like trembling, and sometimes you dont
know is it for real or in your imagination.
people are distressed, cant work or do anything. just walk
around and talk. i dont move so much, dont have need
to talk to people, we are all in our neuroses, and many people means
collective neuroses. i force myself to do something, otherwise will
go crazy. misko also works on his slovenian book.
weather is most of the time beautiful, with many flowers and fruit
trees in blossom.
is a very strange situation. it seems everything is normal during
the day. the streets are crowded with people, and there is some
strange vividness, and on the other hand the life is paralyzed.
in last few days many friends said if someone told me 10 years
ago that this would happen, that we will sit and wait for bombs,
i would tell him/her s/he is crazy. and you sit and wait for
what will happen.
sad is in a very bad situation; but friends, poets [in Novi Sad]
all this stops, everything will be different. and what about poetry.
nothing about it. poetry doesnt matter here for some time
already. at least not contemporary poetry, not to mention
Tue, 13 Apr 1999
Curuvija, owner of the Yugoslav opposition newspaper
>Dnevni Telegraf, was shot to death on Sunday. Witnesses reported
>that Curuvija and his wife were entering their apartment building
>Belgrade when two unidentified gunmen came up behind them.
>Curuvija was shot several times in the head and back, while
>wife was pistol whipped. The Dnevni Telegraf has been in trouble
>with the government of Yugoslavia several times for reporting
>against the views of President Slobodan Milosevic.
Sun, 18 Apr 1999
for dedicating your performance to us. i like the verse you transformed!
this is for you and james [sherry]. i used some poster that I saw
believe in bombs
we believe in god
you have bombs and i will continue to bomb you with
my poems, hope you wouldnt mind.
Sun, 25 Apr 1999
i also dont know what to write. every day is the same, this
33 days seems as one big day, day and night are fused together.
most of the time we are at home (as if home-prisoners),
working, hearing news, waiting the night, asking what will be bombed
next. the other night when big tv [transmitter] was bombed, it was
really horrible. for a couple of hours we heard detonations from
different directions, some seem very close . . . last night were
with dijana milosevic and artist nesa paripovic. she is in a bad
mood, her theater has been taken apart. from this point, it seems
that many things that started in the last 5 or 9 years have disappeared
. . .
wasting of time, wasting of lives, wasting of energy, wasting of
other night went to visit some friends in one part of the downtown,
and about 20 minutes before hearing sirens we decided to return.
we went along the long street, there were no buses, few cars, then
turned to little streets, and this was strange, some parts with
nobody on the streets, some streets with people in front of the
buildings where they lived. then came the park in front of national
library, which was full with people and their dogs . . .
life will be there?
if we dont come to the end, there will be nothing there
if we dont come to the end there will be nothing there
if we come to the end there could be something there
if we come to the end there could be something there
if we come to the end maybe there will be some hope there
when you talk to the people, you can feel confusion, sometimes quite
opposite opinions coexisting.
this is big confusion in peoples head . . .
is not easy to understand what and why all this . . .
just continue to live normal life.
anyway, the experience of this century: you just sit and wait for
what will happen, helpless . . .
Wed, 28 Apr 1999
james, dear charles,
is around 10 in morning. we slept till half past 8. were awake till
half past 11 last night. usually we listen to radio free europe
or some other local or foreign radio station, in order not to miss
some information, but it seems that there is no more important information.
but it becomes habit. also try to enter email but didnt succeed.
around 1 oclock a stronger detonation woke us. we jumped out
of bed as if someone poured hot water on us. the whole house was
shaken, windows trembled. the explosion came very near the trolley
station, part of the city called dedinje, if you remember, where
we went down from the downtown, at the top of the hill. the electricity
disappeared. my first thought wasi will not be able to be
in touch with my friends via email. but after 20 minutes it came
back . . . which was a relief . . .
we are at the bottom of the hill. then thunder was heard, and we
didnt know whether it was bomb, but then it started raining
with thunder. we were awake an hour more and then went to bed again.
was really exciting!
Fri, 30 Apr 1999
friends, just a brief note. thanks for writing, and it is important
to be in touch with you all this time . . .
i will try to write for the list a short report, but now i just
want to tell you that last night was the worst of all others. we
heard the detonations from 22 hours on, most of the night we walk
around the house, open windows trying to hear something, and we
could hear planes, anti-aircraft artillery, explosions, and at the
end, before 6 in the morning we were awakened by the earthquake.
could you imagine this!
went to the faculty [university], this week most of the faculties
started some kind of consultations with small groups of students,
and i am just about to go to downtown.
charles, miskos brother wrote, two issues of boundary 2 reach
him [in LA], it would be interesting to see if it will reach us.
the post from slovenia still comes . . .
Wed, 5 May 1999
charles, it was good that boundary 2 wasnt send here, yesterday
i heard from an american who live here, she is translator and lecturer
at dept. of english, that mail from usa doesnt work any more
. . .
didnt write for some time at all, because from time to time
felt psychically exhausted. we had few days relatively peaceful,
and that means we could sleep relatively well . . . but the other
day when electricity disappeared, it was horrible, all fears that
could come at ones mind came. whole city in darkness, you
dont know what happened, and what might happen . . . looking
through the window you could just see from time to time some cars
passing by hurrying, in fear. yesterday and today from time to time
we didnt have electricity. most of the parts of the town were
out of electricity and of water. we are near hospitals, and are
in a better position. but the night electricity disappeared, the
first reaction was to go and fill bottles with water in the case
that there was no water.
will try to put ProFemina on internet . . .
i will write again . . .
Sat, 8 May 1999
just a short note.
have the same problem with miskos brother messages as with
your empty messages . . . the problem is, i dont know why,
when you write as reply to the author it is empty. when you write
a new message, it is readable.
are good. last night was also bad, the worst is with electricity,
because the next day couldnt enter email.
i will write whenever i can . . . just to be in touch.