> 1. Listen attentively to lecture. Approximately every fifteen minutes, > look really startled, then clap your hands twice. Repeat this > often. If the professor complains, say "The light bulb above my > head is connected to a Clapper, stupid!" > 2. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you > have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, > spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your > actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene. > 3. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every > class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. > Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking > About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts. > 4. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away > from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out > things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor > advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because > you're scouting the room for "assassins." > 5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, > yell, "Look out!", and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and > act like nothing happened. Do this every day. > 6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or > whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it > is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. > Don't return for the rest of class. > 7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take > attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through > class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" > Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class. > 8. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, > release the hornets, scream, and run away. > 9. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using > it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in > this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily. > 10. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're > called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the > cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, > shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and > become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily > and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room > after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed > me AGAIN...." > 11. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it > a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit. > 12. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" > Apologize, and explain that you got confused. > 13. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, > and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit. > 14. Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes > late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until > the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and > throw it through the window. > 15. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that > you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during > class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time > to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a > banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily > fire the monkey in front of your professor. > 16. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to > them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and > "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."
Document URL: http://www.english.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/things-to-do-in-class.html
Last modified: Wednesday, 18-Jul-2007 16:29:03 EDT