Heather I Mike
don't fuck with me, freedom -i called into the night at the edge it was howling all around from two thousand indiscernible sources- back off. i mean it. -i was gripping a knife without knowing how to use it- i want a goddamn prairie life you hear me? with a puppy, and an art studio, and all my husbands dead. i want you, freedom to leave me way the hell alone. i want new york city to get lost. i want the doctors to all get sick and the pest control men to start climbing out of the woodwork putting on scrubs and laytex gloves and to start going to the hospitals with their morning coffees in hand. and i want the i-bankers bound, gagged, and shoved into bank safes while all the drunkards and crazies on the street give away their money. i'm holding this knife to you, freedom cuz i want a little insight. i wanna know why i feel this way. i wanna know what happened to me back there. why do i keep getting sidetracked by romance and cocks and telephone bills? give it up straight, bitch. cuz you won't get me this time. this time i'll get my money saved and i'll throw my solitude in my bookbag with my journal and get on one of those goddamn trains heading for oklahoma, and i'll sleep through all the stops and wake up a teacher with my hair in a bun and blackboard chalk under my fingernails, and i'll go home at night to paint pictures of teacups and landscapes as the sun sets with the bodies laying quietly under the floorboards and you'll be sorry, freedom you'll be sorry.
Accourding to Heather Starr: From: email@example.com (Heather Starr) Date: Thu, 12 Aug 1999 23:46:33 -0400 (EDT) I dig this poem, Kirsten. I like coming across it in my e-mail queue, and reading through again. it has a lovely shape. there's some great, clear, intense, movements: "why do I keep getting sidetracked / by romance and cocks / and telephone bills?" same no. of syllables in the second two lines there -- is that what makes the rhythm so tight? and title? how about "I want a goddamn prairie life," or maybe "under my fingernails." and what's an i-banker? hs
Accourding to Mike Magee: From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Michael Magee) Date: Fri, 13 Aug 1999 09:31:13 -0400 (EDT) Kirsten (am I the only one who *still* doesn't call you Kirby?), alot of great stuff in this poem! "i want a goddamn prairie life / you hear me?" - that tone is right on, frantic, funny, appropriating this Amurikan motif with a kind of suspicious half-seriousness. I also like the forthright exasperation of "why do i keep getting sidetracked / by romance and cocks / and telephone bills?" and the line "give it up straight, bitch" is a ballsy line to put it in the poem, if I may use that terminology. I thought the line "drunkards and crazies" might be better as "drunks and crazies" since "drunkards" is sort of an archaism and "drunks" works better rhythmically, for me anyway. In the penultimate stanza, I thought "i wanna know why i feel / this way" were unnecessary b/c already understood; and the ending, "and you'll be sorry, / freedom / you'll be sorry ' - a little pat? Why not end "with the bodies laying quietly under the floorboards"? That just about says it all, doesn't it? -m.